


But When I'm With Him

by BiasRekt23



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bad Boys, Bad Decisions, Cliffhangers, Cute, Falling In Love, Friendship, Heartbreak, Humor, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Multi, Pictures, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Sexual Fantasy, Surprise Ending, Surprises, Tension, Walks On The Beach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-08-13 22:58:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 43,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7989265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiasRekt23/pseuds/BiasRekt23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Park Jinyoung had me at hello. I was wrapped around his finger... until Mark Tuan entered the picture and caused me to loosen my grip--on everything.</p><p>Trailer: https://youtu.be/dsPYw1j8Tnc</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Party Time

I walk through the doors to my company after party and am immediately overwhelmed with disco lights, blaring music, and a sea of men and women in their sexiest party attire drinking, laughing, and dancing. I regret everything. What was I thinking, attending a huge party all by myself? Was this bravery or just plain stupidity? It's too late now, I've been seen entering the room and there's no way I can be seen exiting so quickly. Deep breath. I calmly make my way over to the bar. Maybe a few drinks will help me loosen up a little bit and enjoy myself.

I sit on a stool, sipping on a strawberry daiquiri. Men in half-buttoned shirts and black dress pants dance against women in little black dresses and flashy stilettos. Did I miss the memo? I look down at my little red dress and little black heels. My seat vibrates to the pulse of the music, while lights in all colors of the rainbow flash in every imaginable direction. The DJ, with a gaudy gold chain around his neck and big, black headphones propped on his head, pumping his fists while standing at his turntables on the stage across the dance floor. A few coworkers appear here and then to say a quick "hello" before disappearing into the mass of people. After four glasses, I'm feeling a little less nervous and a little more confident. Sure, I can hit the dance floor. Of course, right at that moment, the DJ turns on my favorite song--now I have no choice.

The middle of the dance floor is crowded with bodies dancing on anybody who was within their perimeter. My head buzzes and people are getting blurrier... but this hot guy grinding against my ass is way too cute for me to stop (at least I think he's cute, it could just be the alcohol). By the time the song ends, my hips are aching and I'm covered in sweat. The DJ voice pounds over the speakers, "I'm going to slow it down for this next one. Guys, grab that pretty lady you've had your eye on--I know you all have one!" Suddenly that maybe-cute guy is no where to be found. I flip my hair and scan all these dancing couples. No one approaches me, and to be honest, I'm not even mad. I weave my way back to the bar, but before I reach it, someone taps me on the shoulder, "May I have this dance?"

I turn around to find one of the most attractive young men I've ever seen in my life standing in front of me, with his hand held out. He is wearing a dress shirt the exact same shade as my red dress, with black dress pants. The sleeves of his shirt are rolled half-way up his arm and an unbuttoned black vest hangs loosely on his thin torso. His shaggy black hair is brushed to the side of his forehead, and his huge, soft brown eyes stare anxiously at me. His thick, pink lips are bent into a nervous smile. His hopeful expression slowly fades into confusion, watching me stare at his perfection and probably thinking, "Is this girl awake?" He starts to withdraw his hand, "I-Is that a no?" Hello, back to reality. I shake my head a little too vigorously, "Of course, I'll dance with you!" A slightly relieved, slightly proud smile spreads across his face. Wow, his teeth are so straight and so white. He extends his hand once again, and I don't hesitate to take it. His hand is smooth and cool against my sweaty fingers.

He leads me to an empty spot on the dance floor and turns back to me, pulling me breathtakingly close and placing my hands around his neck before resting his hands on my waist. The smell of his sweet cologne drifts to my nostrils. God, he smelled divine. He leans his head close to my ear, "I'm Jin Young, but most people call me Jinyoung."  
"Jinyoung," I make sure the alcohol has no effect on my memory, then tell him my name. He leans his head back so I can see him smile. "That's a pretty name. Perfect for such a pretty girl." I can practically feel my face flushing pink. "Thanks."

"So what brings you to this party?" He's practically staring into my soul, it makes me squirm on the inside. "O-oh, well. I'm a back-up pianist for the local entertainment companies, you know, for acoustic sets and stuff. I'm not really part of one company, I just kind of float around."

"Ah... that explains why I haven't seen you before."

"Yeah..." I dodge my eyes awkwardly around the room. "You're a group member, right? Got7?" He raises his eyebrows, "The way you said that..." Shit. Did I say something wrong? My heart skips in a moment of panic, "I just- I meant, Got7 is a great group! I didn't mean anything negative--" he cuts me off with a burst of laughter, "No, no, it's okay! I've just never heard anyone ask that calmly before. It was a pleasant surprise!"

"Oh, okay." It takes a few minutes for my heart rate to decrease into a beat that was still faster than normal, but slower than panic mode. He reassures me, "Trust me, I've heard many crazy things in my life--that wasn't one of them." I shyly smile. We continue talking about our jobs, exchanging stories about some crazy encounters we've had. He has me practically crying with all the stories of fan girls blurting out crazy things, including those in the States, trying to speak Korean and saying something totally embarrassing, like "Saranghaejuseyo." The song ends in the middle of another story, transitioning into an upbeat party song. We're caught in the middle of the crowd, awkwardly standing and smiling at each other, until Jinyoung motions to the bar. "Can I buy you a drink?"

"I'd love one." I loop my arm through his and he leads me back to the bar. "Two Gamjus please." He holds up two fingers to the bartender as we sit at the counter. He turns and leans over to me, "You know, you're a pretty brave girl to come here all by yourself." It's not like a had a choice... I shrug in response and he continues. "Do you have a boyfriend?" A laugh flies out of my mouth like a flock of doves, with a few stragglers as I try my best to stifle it by clearing my throat. "Men tend to stay away from me, for some odd reason."

"I have a hard time believing that." Jinyoung shakes his head as the bartender sets our drinks in front of us. He raises his glass. "To music, the thing that connects people from all around the world. Without it, I wouldn't have connected with you." His cheesiness makes me want to pinch his cheeks and throw up. I hold up my glass up anyway, clicking it against his before letting the burning liquid slide down my throat. The scene in front of my blurs a little more, but hey, I'm feeling much more relaxed and comfortable. Except a queasiness has started to grow in the pit of my stomach. I try not to think about it, focusing all my attention on the beautiful man in front of me. Our conversation shifts between our common interests, like our love of watching dramas and shoe collections.

He starts to ask me about my family, but is interrupted by two familiar-looking boys stepping behind him and placing their hands on his shoulders. One is dressed in all black, with his jet-black hair slicked down, except for one giant spot sticking straight up in the back of his head. He motions to the blonde-haired man standing next to him, who happens to be quietly and nonchalantly scanning me up and down. It's a little exhilarating, actually, to be looked at like you're a piece of meat by a man who is one hell of a sexy piece of man meat himself (but you didn't hear that from me).

The one dressed in black leans over Jinyoung's shoulder. "Jinyoung, Mark and I have been looking everywhere for you!" He immediately turns his attention to me with a surprised smile. "Oh! Sorry if we're interrupting anything! I'm Jackson." He bows slightly as I nod in reply and tell him my name. "Ohhh, Jinyoung you got a really pretty one! Do you mind if I dance with her?" Before Jinyoung can protest, Jackson grabs me by the hand and pulls me to the dance floor.

While dancing with Jackson, I can't help but keep my eyes on Jinyoung, who is still sitting at the bar and talking to Mark while he takes my seat. Words are coming out of Jackson's mouth, but I'm not really listening. My attention is divided in between Jinyoung and the stomach ache that I've inconveniently developed. "You know, Jinyoung has had his eye on you since you walked through the door." That got my attention. "Really?"

"Really! Mark and I had to practically shove him to ask you to dance because he insisted on admiring you from afar... and by Mark and I, I really mean just me. You can thank me later." He pretends to flip his imaginary hair over his shoulder. I glance back to Jinyoung, who is now staring at me with his mouth bent into a smile that almost looked like a smirk. It's unnerving, but I find myself smiling back anyway. All of a sudden, I feel myself being pulled against Jackson's body as he howls to the music and body rolls against me. Before I'm even able to fully think "What the hell is this guy doing," his touch immediately disappears and I spin around to see Jinyoung holding onto Jackson's arm. "I'll take it from here, thank you." Jackson acts offended towards him, but sneaks a wink towards me before bowing. "Thank you for dancing with me," he winks, "I'll catch you later." I smile politely and watch him strut back to the bar where Mark is still sitting, nursing a bottle.

Jinyoung grabs me by the waist and pulls me close. "I'm sorry, he can be a little overwhelming sometimes."

"Nah, it;s fine." I wrap my arms around his neck. Of course at that moment, my stomach decides to make its statement. I curl over, catching myself on Jinyoung. "Omo," he catches me and I immediately force myself up and take a step back. "Are you alright?" He scans me with concern as I hold my stomach and shake my head. "It's nothing."

"Are you sure? You look sick... can I get you some water? Do you need to sit down?" Even in this state of pitiful anguish, his gentlemanly concern makes my heart flutter. I assure him that I'm okay, and I'd love to keep dancing with him. He cautiously steps close enough for me to wrap my hands around his neck once again. I try to focus on his beautiful porcelain face instead of the immense pain in my stomach. The song is about to end, thank God, because I can barely hold myself up at this point. Jinyoung can tell that I'm extremely uncomfortable, "Let's go find you somewhere to sit, okay?" He wraps his arm around my waist for support, carefully helping me to a table and making sure I have a seat before he pulls one up to sit next to me.

"Is it something you ate?" He asks,and I can't tell if he's trying to distract me from thinking about it too much, or finding an excuse to stay with me. I shake my head, "I must've had a little too much to drink. I'm ridiculously sensitive to alcohol," I explain. He nods his head understandingly. We sit without speaking for quite some time, just watching people move in every which way. Well, he's probably watching people. I'm watching colorful blobs and splotches move around me. Every few minutes, Jinyoung asks me if I am feeling any better. The buzzing in my head has numbed slightly, but now the blobs are getting darker and darker. Not here, not now. Please. My head feels like a bowling ball as I try to hold it up. Jinyoung notices my struggle, and scoots his chair as close to me as possible. "Here, you can rest on me," he says as he pats his shoulder. The moment my head hits it, the music and lights fade into complete darkness.


	2. Morning After

A headache knocks on the back door of my brain and I clasp my head in my hands, trying to contain the throbbing. I pull the warm, silk comforter over my ears, keeping only my nose and mouth uncovered to breathe. The pillow I'm resting my head on props my head up at the perfect angle, easing the pain somewhat. My mind awakens in a confused haze, trying to scrape and piece together fragments of the night before. Disco lights, blaring music, brown eyes and porcelain skin. "Jinyoung..." I savor the taste of his name on my lips.

"Yes?" I can hear voice, as if he's right there, beside me... wait. I peek one eye from under the blanket, and am greeted by those serious brown eyes smiling down at me. "Shit-" I close my eyes and shake my head, trying to get the image out. "No, it's the alcohol," I tell myself, but when I open my eyes, he's still there. "How are you feeling?" He asks in a quiet tone. I barely hear him over my racing thoughts. Where am I? How did I get here? Why is he here with me? What happened last night? Panic forces me to sit up, but the pain my head fights me back down. I scan the room through my squinted eyelids: faint blue walls, a black desk with a small disco lamp propped in the corner, a bookshelf with childhood and family pictures, as well as recent ones of Got7, a small black recliner with a rumpled blanket and indented pillow placed on the arm, a queen-sized bed with an over-sized black comforter, topped with at least twenty pillows, and then Jinyoung.

He sits on the edge of the bed, wearing a white T-shirt that clings to his torso, and gray sweatpants that barely hang on his narrow hips. His hair is perfectly tussled and his eyes droop like he barely slept. His porcelain skin shimmers in the sunlight that peaks through the partially-drawn blinds, and his sleepy smile shines even brighter. Even through my hungover grogginess, he looks like a god. "Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee? Breakfast?" I slowly try to sit up again, this time being extra careful. He quickly jumps to my side, propping pillows behind my back. I lean my head down, slightly flinching at the sight of the red t-shirt I'm wearing (which is not good because flinching + headaches = flash of sharp pain). Jinyoung scratches the back of his head, "I, uh, took the liberty of putting you in something more comfortable... I hope you don't mind." The voice in the back of my head goes off, well he sure doesn't waste any time. Damn. I smile faintly and whisper, "Thank you."  
He directs my attention to my dress hanging on the desk chair, "All of your things are right there." I nod and mutter another "thank you" before wincing at the feeling of an imaginary nail being driven into the back of my skull. "Do you have anything for headaches?" He jumps up too quickly for me to follow him with my eyes. "Yes, of course! One moment," he rushes out of the room and returns a moment later carrying a glass of water and a few pills. He pours three too many into my hand, and carefully hands me the glass of water. I eagerly swallow them, desperate for relief, and take a few sips of water. It's cool and soothing down my throat, a change from the singeing alcohol. He takes the glass from my hand, sets it on the bedside table, beside I hairbrush. He reaches down to pick up a shopping bag off the floor. "I had BamBam and Jackson go out and buy you some new clothes, since I didn't think you'd want to stay in mine all day... You can shower in my bathroom, and I will make you a nice breakfast. Okay?"

"Thank you." I internally hit myself for sounding so redundant, but there wasn't much else I could say without the volume of my own voice making me wish I could just keel over and die right then and there. He leans forward slightly, "Do you need help getting out of bed?"

"I got it, thank you." There I go again with the thank you's. I slowly slide myself to the edge of the bed, hanging one leg over the side, then the other. He watches me sit for a moment, gathering my strength before grabbing the bag and carefully standing up. My knees buckle for a moment, but I force myself to put one foot in front of the other without any support.

I close the door to the bathroom, and turn around to greet the baffling image of myself in the mirror. I expected to see last night's make up smeared on my face and my hair to be messily matted in whatever was left of my updo. Instead, my face is clean and my hair is down and brushed. Jinyoung really knows how to take care of a lady.  
As I turn on the bath faucet, I imagine myself, limp in Jinyoung's arms, being carried into his bathroom. He gently sets me down on the toilet seat, making sure I don't fall off, and grabs a warm, wet towel. He carefully cleans of the smudged makeup, trying to be as gentle as possible--especially around my fluttering eyes. Once he cleans my face, he picks me up and carries me to his bed. While I lay there, he searches his dresser for clothes I can sleep comfortably in. He finally settles on his favorite T-shirt and grabs a pair of boxers that will suffice as shorts.

As I shed the T-shirt and boxer shorts, dropping them on the cold stone floor, I can picture his shaky hands, as he nervously unzips my dress and pulls it off my exhausted body, averting his eyes before he realizes he needs to look at me to put the other clothes on. However, once his eyes discover my skin, he becomes in no rush to dress me. He scans me while I lay there in my underwear, admiring the glistening of my skin, the curve of my hips, the rise and fall of my chest as I inhale and exhale in unconsciousness.  
I step into the stream of hot water and think of him thoughtlessly leaning over and whispering into my ear, "How did you get so pretty?" My entire body relaxes at the sensation of water enfolding me in its warmth, along with the thought of his breath on my skin.  
He pulls the T-shirt on over my head, and helps guides my arms through the sleeves. He then gently lays me back and slides the boxers up my legs, purposefully grazing my skin with his fingertips all the way up to my waist. He lingers around the rim, but soon pulls away. He positions himself near my head, carefully taking my hair down and picking up the brush sitting on the bedside table. He hums a soft lullaby as he runs the brush, then his own fingers, through my hair, continuing this pattern until my hair is silky smooth. He eases me into his bed and covers me with his blanket, running his fingers through my hair once more and kissing my forehead one last time. He steps back to gaze at me for a few minutes more, just admiring my beauty. When exhaustion hits him, he curls up on the recliner with a blanket and pillow, looking at me until his eyes can't stay open any longer.

I turn off the water and step out of the shower, wrapping a towel around myself and pulling out the clothes that were just bought for me by men who barely know me. The plain black T-shirt is a relief--at least I wouldn't be decked out in Got7 apparel. I set it aside and pull out an underwear set, suddenly realizing I spoke too soon. I hold up a red sports bra with a small "Got7" sewed in a strap, and a pair of black panties, which look plain until I notice the red letters spelling "JACKSON" on the back. I stifle my laugh, trying not to make my headache worse, although I can't help but laugh when I picture myself walking around with "Jackson" on my ass. I reach into the bag again and find a pair of plain gray sweatpants. Okay, so my outer clothing won't make me look like a crazed iGot7 sasaeng. I carefully get dressed, moving as slowly as my aching body allows me.  
I stumble back out into Jinyoung's room, crawl back into his bed, and bury myself in his blanket and pillows, closing my eyes, and melting into his sheets. I inhale deeply and take in the faint scent of the ocean mixed with the refreshing scent of soap that has settled into the sheets. I hear the door open, and carefully sit up to see Jinyoung carrying a large tray to the bed and setting it down before me. The tray is filled with rice cakes, chicken, kimchi, and a few different kinds of cooked vegetables and noodles. My stomach growls as the savory smells drift to my nostrils. He hands me a pair of chopsticks as I sit up a little too eagerly. "I hope you enjoy it." The sweet rice cake practically melts in my mouth. "It's delicious," I swallow and clear my throat, "I know I've said this a lot lately, but thank you again, for everything." He smiles as he stuffs his mouth full of kimchi. "It's the least I can do. I'd feel way too bad to just leave you there by yourself." I fill my mouth with food to keep myself from replying with something stupid.  
We finish breakfast, and he picks the tray up to leave. "Would you like to come to the kitchen with me?" My headache has resided a bit, so I decide to be adventurous and crawl out of bed to follow him to the kitchen. Yolo, right?

Mark, Jackson, and BamBam are sitting at the kitchen table, joking and laughing loudly. The noise is a little less than pleasant, but they immediately quiet down when they notice me. "How are you feeling?" Jackson tries to whisper, but is loud enough that everyone could hear him. I allow myself to smile. "Better than last night, that's for sure."  
"Did you like the underwear?" BamBam blurts out, being instantly greeted with a dirty look from Jinyoung while Mark tries to hide his smirk. Jackson pipes up, "I picked them out myself!" He pops his collar. "Now you'll never be able to forget me." He winks at me while BamBam struggles to contain his laughter.

"Ya, hold out your wrist!" Jinyoung takes a hold of Jackson's arm, smacking the inside of his wrist. "Ayah!" Jackson half-howls and half-laughs. My head responds angrily to the sound, and my eyes squint. Jackson returns to his loud whisper, "Sorry, sorry." I shake my head in dismissal, "I'm okay, really." Mark shifts in his chair across the table but remains silent. I shuffle my feet nervously as he watches me intently. Jinyoung shakes his head and looks at me apologetically, "Maybe you should just head back to my room." There's no point in arguing, so I make my way back to his room, even though I could've used some entertainment. I crawl once again into the pile of pillows and close my eyes.  
I slip in and out of consciousness for quite some time, before finally waking up to the sound of the door opening and closing. I lift my head just as Jinyoung sits down on the edge. "Are you doing well?" I smile and nod my head while sitting up. My headache has faded completely and my body doesn't feel like a bag of rocks anymore. He smiles, his brown eyes flickering from me to the space beside me. He groans as he leans back onto the bed, sprawling himself out on top of the covers. "I guess now is my turn to get some sleep."

"You mean you didn't get any sleep last night?" He rolls onto his side before replying, "That recliner only looks comfortable, trust me."

"Why didn't you just sleep with me?" Smooth. "I mean--" Jinyoung raises his eyebrows and looks at me with amusement. "I've heard crazier things." I nod, still embarrassed about my previous question, but clearly it's not the craziest thing he's heard. I didn't ask him to love me.  
I take a deep breath, "I don't want to impose on you any longer. I have to get back home, since I have to work tomorrow. You can finally get your rest." He closes his eyes, "I can deal without sleep, but I can't keep you from work." After pulling himself back up, he helps me out of bed. I gather my things. "Thank you for everything, I really appreciate it so much."

"It was definitely my pleasure. Uhm," he fiddles around in his pockets, "can we keep in touch?"

"Oh-yeah. Sure. Of course." I quickly fumble to pull a piece of paper with my number already written on it out of my purse. Jinyoung chuckles, "You were prepared last night, weren't you?" I roll my eyes, "It's a business thing, I promise." He raises his hands in the air. "Sure, sure."

We make our way to the front door, and are greeted by the rest of the boys before we reach it. "You're leaving already?" BamBam looks up from the couch. "But I just got to see what you look like!" A younger looking boy pouts, coming out from the kitchen. His brunette hair has been pushed to the side of his forehead, and damn does that boy have cheekbones. Mark leans against the doorway. "Jesus, Young Jae. It's not like she's leaving forever. I'm sure she'll be coming over pretty often, right?" He winks in my direction, and my stomach flutters. It's the first time he speaks to me, and I'm on the verge of completely losing my sanity over the richness of his voice. "Of course she is," Jackson chimes in, "She wouldn't miss me for the world, huh?" His grin makes my face grow hot, and my brain struggles to find a response.

"Leave her alone, guys." Jinyoung defends me from embarrassment. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and leads me out the door before anyone can say another word. We stand at the side of the street, and he waves a taxi over. He faces me and smiles shyly, "I will see you soon, right?" I look down at my shoes. "I'd love to see you again."

"Would you... Maybe... Like to go on a date with me sometime? When our schedules are clear, of course." I raise my eyes back to his, making sure I heard him correctly. "Yes, I would love to." He smiles, I smile, and we're caught up in this awkward atmosphere of smiling and not wanting to leave but not wanting to stay in this feeling. My heart pounds intensely, and my palms begin to sweat as I look deeply into his chocolate eyes. His face starts to lean in closer and I find myself frozen with panic. My eyes start to flutter shut until someone shouts from the doorstep, "Goodbye noona!" Startled, Jinyoung and I direct our attention to a young man waving from the open door. "Yugyeom, you ruined it!" You can hear BamBam's voice behind the grinning boy. The other boys then crowd around behind him, looking intently at me. I politely smile and wave back. Jinyoung clears his throat, stepping back with stripes of pink resting on his cheekbones as he opens the taxi door. "I will see you later." A drop of disappointment settles in my chest for a moment before I carefully climb into the back of the cab. He shuts the door and waves to me as my taxi pulls away from the curb.

I look back, watching him stand where I left him, now swarmed with five other Got7 members, dancing and hollering, each taking a turn to pat him on the back or shoulder. Jinyoung stands still in the midst of them, oblivious to the chaos. He's staring at me. The second before I turn the corner, I see the seventh member standing on the porch, watching me with a sly smile plastered across his face. The taxi turns a corner, and they disappear from my view.


	3. Talk to Me

  Nothing feels better than curling up on the couch with a hot cup of coffee after a long day of work. The past few weeks have been almost torture, and not because I haven't had Jinyoung to text me through my day (although he's been pretty busy with fanmeets and promotions), but running from company to company for rehearsal after rehearsal is getting the best of me.

   I close my eyes and inhale the mocha scent wafting from the mug in my hands. My phone buzzes.

**Jinyoung-ssi**

**[Thursday, 9:06 PM]**

   Are you busy?

 

**Me**

**[Thursday, 9:07]**

 Not tonight, thank God.

 

**[Incoming Video Call: Jinyoung-ssi]**

 

   "You look really cozy." His smile is warmer than my coffee. I exaggerate a sigh, "It's been a very long day. A long week, actually."

   "I agree with you. We're finally done with promotions, and I feel like I could sleep for a year." We share a laugh. He adjusts himself on the couch, pulling up the neck of his oversized sweater to cover his chin. By the creme colored wall behind him, I assume he's in the front room. "Is anybody else home?"

   "JB is here with me." The camera angle turns to JB, who is sitting on the other end of the couch. He looks up from his tablet long enough to offer a quick smile and wave. I wave back as Jinyoung's face reappears. "Everyone else is either sleeping or out eating."

   "Ah..." I sip on my coffee, hoping he'll continue the conversation because I have no idea what to say. Thankfully he does, "JB and I are spending some quality hyung time together, here." He smirks to JB off-screen and I can hear the distant voice, "Ya, I'm just doing my own thing and you came in here specifically to bother me." Jinyoung turns his head back to the camera. "He's saving pictures of himself that our fans took. How weird is that?" I twist my face into a judging expression while Jinyoung laughs, but I speak loudly into the speaker, "JB Oppa, I would do the same thing if I looked as good as you!"

   "Ya!" Jinyoung's offended voice overtakes JB's words in the background, "Do you like me or him?! Who is your real Oppa here?"

   "Sorry, sorry!" I cover my mouth to keep myself from laughing too hard. "Jinyoung Oppa--I like you." I flash an innocent smile and he raises an eyebrow before looking off-screen. "Jaebum-ah, don't even think about stealing my girl, unless you have a death wish!"

   "Okay!" JB's voice carries through the speaker. I set my coffee on the table to keep from spilling it while I'm shaking with laughter. Jinyoung adjusts himself once again, but this time, JB can be seen behind him, still scrolling through pictures of himself on his tablet. "How many pictures have you saved so far, JB-ssi?" He looks up at the camera while Jinyoung watches me on his screen. "Well," JB scratches the back of his head, "A lot of fans don't really know how to take good pictures of me. I'm a little disappointed, but the good ones I've found make me look really handsome. I have about... 43 saved so far."

"43?!" My voice rings in unison with Jinyoung's. "Yeah, it's not a lot." JB shrugs as Jinyoung turns his head to him, "I'll be lucky if I find 20 pictures of myself."

   "I'll be lucky if I get one..." I bury my chin into my knees as Jinyoung looks into my eyes--or at least, he would be looking into my eyes if he weren't on a screen. "I'm sure you look pretty in every picture you're in. Hey, I have an idea. JB likes to take pictures, why don't we have a photo shoot sometime? You and me." JB smiles without looking away from his tablet. "Are you sure want to ruin her pretty pictures with your face?" Jinyoung reaches back and smacks his shoulder. "Do you want to die?" JB swats his hand away and laughs, "I'm just saying."

   "I think it sounds fun, but I'll only do it with Jinyoung! Sorry, JB." Jinyoung smirks at JB and flashes a sweet smile to me, "Okay, we'll do it some time soon, okay?"

   "Okay."

   "Oh--hold on a second. I'll be right back okay? I need to get a glass of water. JB--here, don't do anything dumb. I will find out!" There's rustling from the speakers as Jinyoung disappears from the shot and JB is now up close and personal. He smiles and waves again, "Hi." I laugh and wave back, "How are you?"

   "I'm good. Except I wish you would hurry up and date Jinyoung already, because he won't stop talking about you." Alright, my interest is peaked. "Really?"

   "Yes. He always talks about you visiting soon. So here it is, we're home on Saturday. Please, please, please come over or stop by or something so I can have a little peace and quiet, okay? Can you do that for your JB Oppa?" He winks jokingly, sending me into a giggle fit, "I want to see him, too. Alright, I'll stop by--but don't tell Jinyoung!"

   "You got it." He forms the okay sign with his fingers as Jinyoung's voice can be faintly heard entering the room. The camera shuffles and Jinyoung pops into the shot again. "Did you miss me?" I smile reassuringly, "Of course I did."

   "Good. JB did well, didn't he?" I sign him a thumbs up, "Yes, you would be very proud." JB smirks behind Jinyoung.

   A half hour passes by, an hour, an hour and a half. "It's getting late," I yawn. "I should probably get to sleep, since I have one last recording to do tomorrow."

   "Okay, get some sleep. I'll see you soon, I hope?" I nod my head sleepily. "Yes, soon."

   "Sleep well."

   "You, too."

**[Video Call Ended 1 hour 36 min]**


	4. Accidents Happen

   Knock, knock, knock. I nervously stand on their front porch, my stomach churning and my legs shaking uncontrollably. The door opens and out peer two black-coffee eyes that seem surprised to see me standing there, although his face remains mostly expressionless. "Oh, hi Mark," I stutter (of all people, it had to be him?!) "I was in the area so I just thought I'd drop by--"

  "Come on in," he swings the door wide open to let me walk in. I stand in the hallway and remove my jacket as he shuts the door behind you, "Jinyoung went with JB and BamBam to get lunch for us, but they should be back soon." He leans against the door, studying me casually. I clasp my hands nervously and try to avoid eye contact. He tucks one hand into the pocket of his dark-wash jeans and tousles his messy blond hair with the other. "You okay? You seem a little nervous..."

  "Huh? Yeah, I'm okay." I force my eyes in his direction. His pink lips are curled into a faint smile. His ivory skin looks even lighter against his black cutoff shirt. His thin yet muscular arms are slightly flexed as he rests his elbows against the door. I'm afraid to admit how attractive he looks, standing there with the utmost swag. He holds himself with such sly confidence, and the way he looks at me with satisfaction in his eyes makes my blood pressure skyrocket. It's different than the way Jinyoung looks at me, but I can read the same message loud and clear: "I like you."

  My eyes dart around the room, trying to find something to distract me. He senses my fear, like a predator circling its prey. "Can I ask you something?" I jump as he steps away from the door, gliding towards me. Don't panic, don't panic. Oh god, I'm panicking. I stumble backwards but he continues stepping towards me until I'm caught against the wall. He only stops when his face is a mere two inches from mine. I can feel the heat of his cinnamon breath against my cheek as he speaks in a quiet, seductive tone, "Do I make you nervous?"

  The very question makes my palms sweat and my throat dry. I attempt to swallow and look straight ahead, not daring to make eye contact with him. "No." He raises his hand, and I flinch at the touch of his finger grazing across my cheek. "Then why are you so nervous?" I inhale sharply, mustering up my courage to look him straight in the eye. "I'm not nervous." He takes a step back and I immediately feel the pressure of the atmosphere lift off my shoulders. He smiles, flashing his beautiful white teeth, "If you say so." The tone of his voice clearly saying, "I don't believe you."

  The door behind him swings open and in steps JB, BamBam, and Jinyoung, carrying boxes and bags of food. Never have I ever been so relieved to see people. Jinyoung lays his eyes on me and his face lights up, "I didn't know you were coming today!" I clasp my hands behind my back and rock back and forth on my heels. "I had the day off, so I thought I'd come by to see you." My eyes flicker to JB, who winks at me before following Mark into the kitchen. I catch a glimpse of eye contact with Mark, brushing it off immediately. Jinyoung sighs, "I'm so glad you're here. You're probably starving, come! We have so much food!"

  I follow him into the kitchen, where the rest of the members are already gathered and digging into the bags and boxes. Jinyoung sets his things on the counter and pulls out a chair for me at the table. "I'll get you something." I thank him and take a seat, looking around the room at the playful boys eating food and joking with each other. Mark stands behind the counter, eating quietly while listening to Yugyeom and BamBam talk about the cute girl they saw at the market. "I heard someone say her name was Tiffany." Yugyeom tapped BamBam on the shoulder. Young Jae piped up, "Wait was she a foreigner?"

   "Oh yeah." BamBam nodded his head, smirking. Young Jae smiles and rests his chin into his hand. "She sounds pretty." My attention to the conversation comes to an abrupt halt when Mark and I make eye contact for a split second before I turn quickly away, trying to hide my blush. Jinyoung returns and sits next to me, "Here you go." He happily sets a plate of food in front of me. I smile politely and thank him before beginning to eat. "We're all going to toss the baseball around at the park after lunch, would you like to join us?"

  "Yes, I would love to!" We smile at each other for a few moments before returning to our food.

 

  "Young Jae!" The sound of leather hitting leather pounds in my ears as I relax on a blanket underneath the shade of a large tree, watching six young men run around in a circle and throw a baseball, along with insults, at each other. Jinyoung is sitting beside me, resting back on his hands and throwing his own comments into the game. Young Jae throws the ball to Jackson, and Jackson does a back flip before trying to catch the ball in his glove. He misses the ball by a few inches and the boys fall to the ground, torn with laughter. "Jin Young Hyung, come play with us," Yugyeom calls out from the far side of the misshapen circle. "Yeah! She's not going anywhere," JB joins in. Jinyoung looks at me, searching for approval. I laugh, "Go ahead, I'll keep watching!" He grins and grabs his glove, hopping up to join the circle.

  I watch for a while as the boys try to make the game more and more interesting, doing trick shots and trying to catch the ball in as many different ways as possible--while doing a handstand, or doing different jumps and kicks before and after catching the ball. Jinyoung turns and points to me after every catch he makes. He stands a little distance away, but what makes my skin tingle is that Mark stands only ten meters in front of me. He keeps his back facing me, which--in my opinion--is just as good looking as his front. My eyes remain on Jinyoung, but in the back of my mind, the paranoia of Mark turning to look at me is nearly eating me alive.

  "Mark, it's high!" Jackson throws the ball in my (Mark's) direction, the ball is soaring--higher than what it should be. Mark tries to run backwards to catch it, but it's soaring right towards me. He runs harder, keeping his eyes on the ball and not paying attention to where he's headed. I have one moment to raise my hands in front of me for protection, but before I realize what's happening--SNAP. A spear of pain shoots through my twisted arm and I'm left seeing spots, along with bits and pieces of Mark's outline on top of me. I hear myself cry out, but it sounds distant. Mark quickly rolls off of me, "I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" My vision blurs and my body is overtaken by a splitting pain stemming from my arm. I can see the boys rushing over to me, calling my name and asking if I'm okay. Why do they sound ten miles away? "Oh my god, I think it's broken." I hear one of them say, although I can't recognize the voice because my mind is focused on what's destroying my arm. "Jinyoung, she needs to go to the hospital." A few fuzzy moments later, I feel myself being lifted and I stare into Jinyoung's worried eyes as he carries me to the car.


	5. Confess

I'm sitting in a tiny hospital room with faded blue walls, crowded with seven anxious boys. Jinyoung is sitting beside me, holding my uninjured hand, while Mark sits in a chair and stares out the window. The ache in my arm throbs as I watch Young Jae and Jackson impatiently pace the room. A tall, lanky man with thinning black hair, wearing a long white coat walks in and jumps in surprise at the sight of us all crammed in that little room. "You have quite the support group, young lady," he mentions. He holds up the X-rays in his weathered, wrinkled hands and sets them up on the wall. "Your arm is definitely fractured, although you got lucky and it isn't a clean break." He points a jagged black line in the white of my bone. "You'll be in a cast for about six weeks, but it should heal up quite nicely." The boys sigh and talk among themselves in voices of relief, that is, all except Mark. He sits quietly and turns back to the window. I bite my lip. God, I hope he doesn't feel blame himself for me getting hurt. If anyone was to blame, it was Jackson. Come on.

  A little while later, the boys are gathering around me to admire my new green cast. "Who wants to sign it?" I beam. "I'm in!" BamBam jumps and raises his hands.

  "I'm two in!"

  "I'm three in!" 

  "Four in!" All the boys except Mark and Jinyoung excitedly fight over what colored marker to use, grabbing them off the table and making a line to sign my cast. When they finish signing their names, I hold my cast out to Jinyoung. "Do you want to sign it?" A little smile creeps across his face, "Sure." He grabs a marker and carefully holds my arm up, swirling the inked tip across the rough surface of my cast to form his signature. I then hold my arm out to Mark, "Would you like to sign it, too?" He shakes his head and looks at the floor. Jackson puts his arm around Mark's shoulder. "Come on, man. It was a total accident. You shouldn't blame yourself."

"Yeah, if anything, it was Jackson's fault!" BamBam sneered in jest. Yikes. I hope he didn't read my mind earlier. Jackson rolled his eyes, "Okay, okay. So maybe I'm not totally clean here." He marches over to me and dramatically kneels, holding his hand out to address me. "Will you, kind and beautiful princess of the world, princess of our hearts, find it in your own kind and beautiful heart to forgive me?" His excess in emotion caused laughter to bubble up around the room. "Yes, I forgive you." Jackson straightens himself before bowing like a knight before his queen. "I will never disappoint you again." Applause erupts from BamBam, Yugyeom and Young Jae. Jinyoung smirks in an annoyed, amused sort of way. I turn my attention to him, "Oppa, I'm hungry. Can you bring me something from the snack machine?"

"Anything for you, your highness," He mock bows toward me.

  "Just for that, you have to buy me something, too!" Jackson stomps his foot onto the ground. Jinyoung rolls his eyes, "You're the real drama queen, here." Jackson flips his imaginary hair over his shoulder, "Twaesso."

  "I wanna go, too. Ya, Young Jae and Yugyeom, let's go on an adventure and see if we can find any cute nurses."

"I'm in!" Yugyeom didn't take a single moment to think. Soon enough, all except Mark exit the room, leaving the entire space in awkward silence.

  The two of us sit quietly for what seems like an eternity. The pressure to say something weighs down on me until I finally break. "I don't blame you. I just want you to know that." He doesn't stir and I begin to wonder if he's been petrified. Just go sit next to him. The thought of us being so close makes my knees weak. I'll just stay in bed. I try to speak again, "You know it would've been much cooler if you had done a back flip into me." I notice a tiny smile in the corner of his mouth. He turns to look at me from across the room. "I can always do a back flip and break your other one." I reflect his smile. "Thanks, but one arm is enough to put me out of business for the next six weeks. Which is okay, because I need the vacation. Some instrumental directors are downright nasty." He looks at the floor for a few moments and looks back up. "Is it too late to sign your cast?"

  "Of course not." I'm hoping the click of his shoes on the floor are loud enough to cover the pounding of my heart as he makes his way over to me, grabbing a marker off the table and sitting beside me. I hold my cast up and he inspects it, mumbling, "Damn, they took all the good spots." I giggle as he angles my arm almost uncomfortably to fill an empty space on my cast. I can now notice little details about him up close, like the soft crinkle in the corner of his eyes, his dark roots starting to peak through his blond hair, and the smooth round of his nose that curves downward slightly. The sound of his voice interrupts my thoughts. "I like you." I'm pretty sure I just imagined that. "What?"

   "I said I like you." The words spiral upstairs before finally knocking on the door of my brain and registering into my understanding. He continues before I could make any form of response, "but I don't want anyone to know that I like you, okay?"

   "Okay?"

  "Everyone knows that Jinyoung likes you, and it's obvious that you like him," he puts the cap on the marker and looks into my eyes, "so I don't want them to know that I like you. You won't make me regret telling you this, will you?" My insides are melting. My head spins and the only words that are coming into the clear are, "I wasn't ready for this. I. Was not. Ready for this." I timidly bite my bottom lip (mostly to keep from saying anything dumb) and just shake my head. He smiles and leans in until his face is an inch away from mine. His eyes sparkle with mystery with a hint of fuckboy, but at this point, I’m too thrilled to heed any form of warning signs. "Good." He stands up and places the marker back on the table. "I don't want to know how you feel about me. I just didn't want this to be a surprise to you." The door opens and the boys return with an assortment of goodies in their arms. "Who would've known that Tiffany girl was a nurse? Damn, we lucked out!" BamBam throws his arm over Yugyeom, who smiles sheepishly, “That Kairegan nurse was really pretty, too…” Jinyoung's arms are nearly spilling with treats as he dumps them all into a pile on my bed. He grins sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck. "You didn't tell me what you wanted, so I got all of it."

  "And whatever you don't want, I will gladly eat!" Jackson adds with his mouth half full of food. I bat my eyelashes at Jinyoung. "You're the best!" He tugs at his collar, brushing the compliment off, and sits down next to me. I dig through the sweet, salty, spicy, and sour snacks. Mark returns to his seat by the window and once again dazes off into his own little world.

  As we finish eating, a brunette freckle-faced nurse enters the room. She hesitates at the sight of Yugyeom and BamBam, but quickly regains her composure. "All the tests are clear, you're free to go!" She smiles shyly in the boys' direction and whisks out of the room. "See," BamBam waves his last Pocky stick toward the spot where the nurse was just standing, "I told you she wants me."

   "She was obviously staring at me." Yugyeom rolls his eyes. "Wow, she's so pretty." Young Jae rests his chin in his hand before snapping out of it and rising to his feet. The eight of us clean up the remaining mess of wrappers and crumbs, then make our way out of the building. We step out into the parking lot, where the JYP van is waiting for us. The boys start to climb in, and Jinyoung turns to me. "Would you like to come back with us? I'll understand if you don't. I has been a long day for you." He playfully motions to my cast. I smile politely. "I would love to, but I should probably just go home and rest." Jinyoung nods understandingly. "Well before you go, may I ask you something?" Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit. He shakily inhales, "Would you... like to go on a date with me... sometime? Next week, maybe?" I hear myself answer before I could even process the question. "Of course, I would love to!" He flashes a beautiful, white smile. "I'll call you later, then?" I feel myself leaning over and planting a kiss right onto his cheek. Did I just do that? "Y-Yeah. Okay." I frantically spin around, dodging any eye contact and waving to the cab parked a few meters away, then climb into the back seat. As it drives away from the curb and passes their van, I don't dare to look back at the boys probably all howling and laughing at the scene that had just unfolded before their very eyes. I close my own eyes and impatiently wait for the cab ride to be over.


	6. He Doesn't Know

  I spend the next several days learning how to do things with one hand. It's tough, let me tell you. Thank God I was given a waterproof cast so I didn't have to tie a trash bag around it every time I had to shower. Getting dressed has gotten easier with time (Okay, so I usually just avoid sleeves), and I'm feeling pretty well on my way.

   It had gotten dark outside, and I was curled up in bed, catching up on the latest drama.

 

**Jinyoung-sii**

**[Friday, 8:43 PM]**

How are you doing?

Want to video chat?

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 8:44 PM]**

Good. Sure, I'd love to. :)

 

**[Incoming Video Call: Jinyoung-ssi]**

 

"Hello Noona!" The up-close shot of Yugyeom's nose and smile surprised me. "Get away before I kill you." I can only see Yugyeom's face disappear out of the shot as Jinyoung shoves him out of the video. His expression flips from scowling to smiling quicker than lightening as he looks into the camera. "Are you getting ready for bed?"

   "Just watching a drama."

   "I see. That's about all you can do, isn't it?" He laughs a little bit, and the background is filled with all kinds of voices and noise. "Hyung, I want to say hi!" Says a voice off-screen. The camera angle is shifted to Young Jae standing beside the couch, holding a little white dog in his arms. He smiles and waves, "Hello! Coco say hello!" He grabs the dog's paw and waves it at the camera. BamBam peeks his face in the corner behind him, making a face. I laugh, waving back. "Hi Coco!" The camera turns back to Jinyoung. JB sits behind him in the center of the couch, talking to someone off-screen. Mark sits behind him on the other end, scrolling through something on his phone. "Sounds like you guys are having quite the party over there." I hope Jinyoung can hear me through all the noise, although it has quieted down a little bit. He smiles and scratches his head. "I was going to go up to my room but everyone else wanted to see you and talk to you, so I just decided to stay here."

   "Yeah! Because we like you!" The voice I assume to be BamBam's calls from behind the camera. "Aw," I cover my shy smile with my hand. "I like you guys, too." Jinyoung rolls his eyes, half smiling. "Is Jackson there?" I scan whatever I can see on the screen, until it turns to show Jackson sitting on a chair across the room, talking to JB and pausing long enough to shout, "YES I AM HERE!" I laugh, "You really do have a party going on." A notification pops up on my screen.

**Unknown**

**[Friday, 9:02 PM]**

You look really good tonight.

 

   I scrunch my eyebrows. "Is something wrong?" Jinyoung looks concerned. "No, just a notification on my phone."

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 9:02 PM]**      

Who is this?                

 

   "Oh, okay." An arm reaches out and taps Jinyoung's arm. "Hyung, tell her the story about that crazy fan we saw the other day!" Jinyoung flicks the hand away, looking back at me. "Yes tell me!" I smile eagerly, although I'm more interested in the text message that had just popped up on my screen.

 

**Unknown**

**[Friday, 9:04 PM]**

I'm right in front of your face.

 

   I look past Jinyoung as he begins his story. There's no way it's him. JB is paying attention to the story, but Mark is still staring at his phone. My stomach drops as he looks over to me, wiggling his phone in his hand and smirking.

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 9:05 PM]**             

How did you get my number?

 

**Unknown**

**[Friday, 9:05 PM]**

I have good eyesight.

 

**Unknown**

**[Friday, 9:06 PM]**

I love that tank top on you ;)

 

   I sink further down into my bed, pulling my blanket up to my chin and smiling at Jinyoung and nodding my head. I've always been good at pretending to listen. Honestly, the only words I've heard so far are "face paint" and "bra." I change my screen to Mark's number, clicking "add contact." I type in "Bad Idea" into the name box and hit "save."

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 9:07 PM]**

No no no sit back up

I want to see you

 

   "And she threw it into our van!" Everyone around Jinyoung burst into laughter, while I just dropped my jaw (I really should've become an actress instead of a musician). "I know right?" Jinyoung rolls his eyes, "People these days."

   "Have no common decency." I stare right past Jinyoung at Mark, who hasn't looked up at me yet. Guess he didn't get the hint. BamBam scoots into the bottom corner of the screen, holding Coco over his shoulder. "Coco is so cute!" BamBam holds her closer to the screen while she wriggles in his hands. Jinyoung reaches a hand out to pet her head.

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 9:11 PM]**

Come on baby

 

"Do you want to know what she did the other day?" BamBam sets Coco onto the couch and she bounces into Jinyoung's lap, pawing at his stomach until he pets her wriggling body. "What did she do?" I sit up, pushing my blanket down to my waist.

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 9:14 PM]**

Are you happy    

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 9:14 PM]**

Very ;)

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 9:15 PM]**

Damn you're so sexy

I just want to kiss you

 

My stomach swirls with... something. Excitement, horror, embarrassment, something. I can feel myself starting to blush. "So here we are, with chewed up pieces of toilet paper everywhere, and I swear it's all Jackson's fault."

   "WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME?" Jackson shouts across the room as the boys burst into hysterical laughter. ""WAE?"

   "You didn't put the toilet paper on the roller like you were supposed to!"

   "Mark does the same thing! Why is it my fault? And it's his dog!"

   "I asked you to do it this time!" BamBam and Jackson go back and forth while everyone laughs. Coco spins around in Jinyoung's lap and he continues to play with her.

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 9:19 PM]**  

Don't ever count on it.

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 9:20 PM]**

Why not? If I can get you alone...

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 9:20 PM** ]

I'm just imagining the things I'd do ;)

 

   Shit. Why is he doing this to me right now. I try my hardest to look only at Jinyoung, but Mark is still sitting right in the shot. His blonde hair carefully brushed back away from his forehead, and that constant smile he has while staring at his phone, occasionally sneaking a glance toward the camera to see me--the kind that gives you hot flashes at the age of twenty.

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 9:27 PM]**

What would you do?

 

   Feeling brave is one of my strong suits, although sometimes I'm pretty sure it's stupidity. This is probably one of those times. Jinyoung hands Coco back to Young Jae and looks into the camera as I send the text I instantly regret. "Have you been home all day? How long do you get off work?" I groan at the reminder of my shitty boss telling me that there's still meetings to attend and music to go through--even though I can't play it. "It only takes one hand to sort music sheets," he had told me.

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 9:31 PM]**

Lots of kissing ;)

 

   "I might have to go to meetings on occasion but that all depends on if my boss wants me kissing--uh, missing them or not." Friendly advice: don't ever try to multitask. Don't read something while speaking about a completely different topic--especially if you don't want the other person to know what you're reading.

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 9:33 PM]**

This is all your fault

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 9:34 PM]**

lol I haven't even gotten to the good

shit yet

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 9:35 PM]**

You know what would happen to

that tank top?

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 9:35 PM]**

I don't want to know

  
 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 9:37 PM]**

It'd be on the floor ;)

 

   "Oh yeah, when are you free to go on our date?" Jinyoung adjusts himself on the couch and leans back against JB's arm. "OOOH A DATE!" Jackson screams from the other side of the room, met with a dirty look from Jinyoung. "You're going on a date with Noona, Hyung?" Yugyeom's voice exclaims. I laugh, "I'm free next weekend." Mark glances up and makes eye contact with me (well, through the screen) and I shoot him a quick salty glance.

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 9:40 PM]**

Oh NOW you start listening

 

   "How about next Friday?" Jinyoung asks while snickers can be heard from behind the camera. "Sure that sounds perfect." His face lights up.

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 9:42]**

All I heard was "Mark pls fuck me"

 

   I slap a hand over my mouth. "Are you okay?" Jinyoung looks wide-eyed at the camera. I fake a yawn, "Yeah, I'm just getting sleepy."

   "Oh, well you should get some sleep! I'll talk to you tomorrow."

   "Bye Noona!"

   "Feel better!" A chorus of voices join in the goodbye until the call disconnects.

 **[Video Call Ended 59 min]**    

   

I set my phone down and pull the covers up to my chin once again, burying my face in my pillow. My phone buzzes.

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 9:46 PM**

Too soon?

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 9: 47 PM]**

You just don't know when to stop

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 9:52 PM]**

Come on baby let me hear it from you

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 9:55 PM]**

Hear what

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 9:59 PM]**

That you want me

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 10:01 PM]**

I'm tired

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 10:05 PM]**

You can resist me now but

just wait until I get you alone

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 10:08 PM** ]

Try me ;)

 

**Bad Idea**

**[Friday, 10:10 PM]**

Challenge accepted ;)


	7. Beware

"Jinyoung is going to flip!" Jackson swings the door wide open and practically shouts in my face. I feel like I'm being inspected, standing in the front room, wearing my favorite white dress that makes me feel like a flower girl; although no amount of frills, lace, and glitter could distract from my lime cast covered in multicolored signatures. I had attempted to hide it in a simple navy sling (to match the sash around my dress), but my hand and wrist still stuck out. At this point, it didn't even matter.

Yugyeom and BamBam look up at me from the couch in awe. "Wah!" BamBam raises his eyebrows. "You look so pretty!" I blush and look at my sparkling shoes. "Thank you."

"I'll see if the man's ready." Jackson dramatically swings out his hand to lead me to a chair across from Yugyeom and BamBam, then rushes out of the room. Yugyeom leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. "Noona, what are you and Jinyoung hyung doing tonight?"

"He said it was a surprise." BamBam snickers, "As long as it's not baseball."

"Or Frisbee," Yugyeom adds, sending both boys into a fit of laughter, but immediately stifle it when Mark enters the room. My stomach flutters at the sight of his muscles through the nearly-sheer fabric of his shirt, biceps curving through the long sleeves. His skinny jeans make his legs look a mile long. His hair is gelled into perfect icicle spikes, and his baby-powder skin glows softly in the fluorescent light. He doesn't notice me sitting there at first, keeping his attention on the two giggling teenagers across from me. "What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing, hyung!" BamBam smiles innocently up at him. Mark rolls his eyes, and catching sight of me mid-roll. "Oh sh-". I shift uncomfortably until Yugyeom speaks, his voice like the snap of a finger to jolt Mark from his trance. "Doesn't she look pretty?" Mark clears his throat and looks at his shoes, "Yeah. Yeah, she does." My words get caught in my throat, a nod of acknowledgement suffices. All of a sudden, my attention shifts to the presence of a god entering the room. Jinyoung tugs on the collar of his open flannel shirt and pulls at the hem of his V-neck before sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans. His face lights up. "Wow, you look... incredible."

"Thank you, you look amazing as well."

"Are you ready to go?" He extends his arm to me, and I accept the invitation. Jackson places himself beside the door to make sure he has the last word before we head out. "Be safe, children! Eomma loves you!" Jinyoung turns around and waves Jackson back into the house. "Use protection!" BamBam shouts from the couch. "Ahh, Jinjja..." Jinyoung groans while he escorts me to the taxi that is waiting. He opens the door and allows me to climb in, shutting the door and running to the other side to get in himself. He gives an unfamiliar address to the driver, and we move away from the curb. "Will you tell me where we're going now?" I bat my eyelashes and he laughs, "You will see soon enough, I promise."

As he said, soon there are bright flashing lights catching my eye. Out the window are crowds of people walking around, playing games, and eating all kinds of treats. Multicolored tents line the premises, with blinking lights and signs of every color of the rainbow. In the midst of all the hustle-and-bustle, a monstrous Ferris Wheel slowly turns in the middle of the fairground. The taxi halts, and Jinyoung hurries out to open the door for me and helps me out. "Come on, I have something special I want to do first!"

He eagerly pulls me through crowds of people to a small purple tent. The neon sign flashes yellow beside the door, "Fortunes & Palm Readings," spiking my curiosity. Cold, swirling mists welcomes us when we step through the threshold bye clinging to our faces. "Ah, I've been waiting for you," a thick, witch-like voice calls through the clouds, sending chills down my spine. A woman is sitting behind a glass ball with her thick purple robes lined with coin-like beads and multicolored jewels jingle as she sways her arms back and forth, stirring the electricity bolts within the ball. Her long black hair hangs out of the oversize hood that drapes over her head. Her cat-like eyes are lined thickly with black to offset the shimmery bright green and blue eye shadow reaching to her eyebrows, making her lids appear three times their normal size. Her thin cherry lips twist into a crooked smile as she raises her arms up toward us. She motions us to sit down, the bangles and bracelets lining her wrists chiming in agreement. I nervously follow Jinyoung to the large pillow in front of the glowing ball, and sit anxiously beside him. She reaches her thin, bony hand towards Jinyoung first, and I cringe at her black, claw-like nails jutting out of her fingertips like the talons of a hawk.

She takes Jinyoung's hand and places it palm-upward in her own, dragging a finger through the creases in his skin. "Sweet boy," she purrs. "Loyal, but you have quite the temper, I see. Be mindful of that." She wags her twig-like pointer in his face. I peek over to see a rosy pink slowly overtake Jinyoung's cheeks. She clicks her tongues three times. "Don't let your naivety get the best of you and cause you to go out of control. You probably don't truly connect with people very often, do you sweetheart?" Jinyoung shakes his head, slightly astounded.

She then gently places his hand on the ball, and circles her hands around it whispering some sort of incomprehensible chant. Green mist swirls thickly around the ball, so much that I can barely see Jinyoung's hand. The woman finishes her chant and leans forward, blowing the mist in our direction. I can feel the cold droplets cling to my face as the scentless cloud rolls past me. She looks deeply into the ball, her eyes darting back and forth. The image of a small tower appears inside the ball. "The tower will help you view your surroundings clearly," the woman croons, "you have confidence in the future and the happiness to come. You can see where you want things to go, and with a little patience you will see a path to take to get there." Jinyoung looks curiously at the woman, waiting for her to continue. She hums for a moment before speaking again. "The cast of characters in your life will start changing significantly... Isn’t it amazing what dirty tricks Lovers can play on you – robbing you of all self-confidence? However; Temperance will come to your aid and manage to improve things somewhat. Trust your instincts and wisdom. Reflect confidence that attracts and holds the partner who looks for real substance and is sure they have found it in you."

She removes Jinyoung's hand and the images within the ball disappear immediately. The woman looks at me excitedly and reaches her hand out. I nervously place my hand, palm facing up, into hers. Her fingers are ice cold against my skin, her claw faintly scratches me as she traces a finger across the creases in my palm. "Passionate," she mutters and shakes her slightly, "You're always ready to respond to a show of affection or appreciation." I bite the inside of my cheek nervously.

She turns my palm to face the ball, carefully placing it on the surface. I expect an ice-cold feeling, but the glass is as warm as bath water. She repeats the same motions as before, gathering green mist around the ball, repeating the chant. I brace myself when she blows the mist away, causing more microscopic droplets to collect on my skin. She looks deeply into the ball for several moments.

The same tower appears, except this time it's caught up in little flames. My stomach grows uneasy. The woman speaks, her voice sending chills down my spine. "Mind the fire and fanning the flames of your mutual misunderstandings. Try and make the best of situations in your future and accept that you'll have to make some compromises..." she pauses a moment and the image of a wand appears within the crystal sphere. "There could be quite a few tears being shed in your future. You can rely on Strength and the Magician to give you the kind of determination and willpower that will keep you going without stopping. Nothing will be able to prevent you from doing the things you want to do, and the same energy will also allow you to resolve any outstanding problems. Remember that freedom doesn't have to equal loneliness, and letting go isn't the same as giving up." She then waves my hand away, and the images disappear from the ball. "Is there anything else I can do for you?" She chirps and bats her broom-like eyelashes. "No? Then I wish you both luck."

We stand to our feet, bow, and thank her before exiting the tent. "That was so interesting!" Jinyoung excitedly takes my not-broken hand, "Wasn't it?"

"Except now she has me all nervous," I shudder. He shrugs, "It's all for fun. I don't think it's very accurate." He takes a deep breath. "I'm starving, shall we get something to eat?" My stomach all of a sudden feels so empty, so I nod and we make our way to a little food stand.

A while later, we find ourselves sitting at a picnic table enjoying fishcakes and vegetable fries. "Is there anything you would like to do?" Jinyoung asks me with his mouth half-full of food. Some of it falls out of his mouth as speaks. I laugh and reach my hand up, gently brushing off his bottom lip with my thumb. "Thanks," he mumbles, embarrassed. I hide my blush and turn my eyes back to my food. "Let's explore the games. And save the Ferris Wheel for last."

"That sounds like a great idea."

We walk hand-in-hand, walking amidst the colorful tents and swarming people. All of a sudden, a huge blur of white catches my eye. A teddy bear, whiter than the purest of snow, and its eyes the color of glistening dew drops in the morning sun rays, sits upon a shelf amidst several other stuffed animals. It seems small enough to fit in one arm, but oh--how it shines through pile of other toys. I gasp, "That teddy bear..."

"Say no more, Oppa will get it for you." He courageously walks right up to the worker and asks what it takes to get that pretty white teddy bear. "All you have to do to is knock off that moving bottle at the top," the worker points to a large plastic bottle, perched on a sideways moving platform. Jinyoung turns to me and shrugs, "Sounds easy enough." He hands the worker a few coins and picks up a ball, turning sideways and squaring himself up, aiming for the bottle. He winds his arm back and flings the ball forward. I watch as it whizzes an inch to the left of the bottle. "I think I spoke too soon... let me try again!" He tosses a few more coins to the worker and picks up another ball, repeating the same steps. This time, the ball flies right over the bottle, missing it by yet another inch. Jinyoung, however, does not give up. He hands more coins to the worker, and tries again.

After four times, I smile understandingly at him, "It's okay if you can't get it, I can live without it." Jinyoung shakes his head, "I will try one more time. I want to get this for you." He hands the last of his coins to the worker, and takes several moments to aim perfectly at the moving bottle. He winds his arm back... CRASH. The bottle comes tumbling down off its moving pedestal, and I jump and cheer as Jinyoung takes a dramatic bow. The worker smiles and hands Jinyoung the teddy bear, who immediately turns it over to me. I tuck it in between my sling and torso, stroking its silky fur. "Thank you, Oppa."

He smiles and looks at the ground. "It's nothing. Although I spent almost all of my coins on that game, so I hope you don't find any more stuffed animals you really want or I'm going to have to run to the bank." He laughs as I hug my teddy bear closer. "I promise I won't. In fact, let's just go ride the Ferris Wheel and call it a night, shall we?" He nods in response. "Let's go."

As we get closer and closer to the Ferris Wheel, it seems to get bigger and bigger. By the time we reach it, I have to tilt my head all the way back to see the tallest box. When we reach the head of the line, a pretty green box painted with glittery gold swirls is waiting for us. I don't wait another second to climb in. The Ferris Wheel lurches forward and upward. The people down below grow to become the size of little dolls, and the tents look like multicolored boxes lining the fairgrounds. We look out to see the sparkling city lights, tall skyscrapers glittering against the dark purple sky, along with thousands of headlights and brake lights along the busy highways. I'm captivated by the scenery. "It's so beautiful." 

"Just like you," Jinyoung replies without skipping a beat. My face grows hot and my skin tingles as he reaches for my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine. They're warm and strong, clasping my hand firmly. We've rounded the top of the Ferris Wheel and slowly descend along the other side. The size of the tents get more and more life-size as you reach the bottom, swooping around and back up again. This time, as we near the top, the ride slows to a halt and we're left, suspended in the evening sky. I rest my head on Jinyoung's shoulder and look out at the beautiful nightlife the city has to offer.

"I really like you," Jinyoung says quietly. I lift my head off his shoulder and look into his eyes. "I like you, too." His smile fades as he leans closer. My eyes flutter shut and my fingers clench his as he settles onto my mouth. I practically melt into his cotton candy lips, the very curve of them perfectly aligning with my own. Little waves of electricity surge through my skin as he wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me closer. All of a sudden, the ride jolts forward and me pull back from his lips. He smiles sweetly at me and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. I finally reach the ground and the ride halts once again, bringing us back to earth.

We make our way out of the fairgrounds and wave down a taxi. Once settled in the backseat, Jinyoung pulls me close and grips my hand as I rest my head on his shoulder. My eyelids begin to flutter, and before I know it, I'm waking up to the sound of Jinyoung's voice, "We're at my place now. Are you too tired? Would you like to sleep here tonight?" I hazily nod my head, and find myself being picked up and carried into his house.

The house is eerily quiet and dark, but I'm too tired to notice. Jinyoung carries me into his bedroom and carefully sets me on his bed. The feeling of being laid on a thick, soft bed was like being on a cloud. "Hold on, let me get you some clothes." He disappears for a moment and returns with the same clothes I slept in last time. "Can you get them on?" He asks softly. I nod and stand up, taking the clothes from his hand and trudging into the bathroom. I struggle to take my sling off, and carefully pull my dress off over my head. After dressing, I groggily look at myself in the mirror. I wet a cloth and wipe the makeup off my face before trudging back out to his room.

I find him sitting on the bed, wearing a black cutoff and red basketball shorts. He's holding a hairbrush--that can only mean one thing. "I figured you'd be too tired to brush my hair," he gushes. I smile and eagerly climb into his bed, resting my head on his lap. He combs gently through my hair, running his fingers through it every so often. The sensation makes my eyelids heavier and heavier. "Okay now," he whispers, "Get under the covers." I barely lift my heavy body enough to allow him to toss the blankets over me. I grip tightly onto my new teddy bear as Jinyoung tucks us both in. He places a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Goodnight." He begins to walk away from the bed. "Hey, aren't you going to sleep with me?" Jinyoung turns around and laughs quietly, "If you want me to." We know each other enough, right? It's fine.

"Please," I yawn. Jinyoung makes his way to the other side of the bed and slides underneath the covers. I feel his warm body press against mine as he wraps his arms around me. The feel of his warm breath on the back of my neck lulls me to sleep. I stay awake long enough to hear him whisper against my skin, "Goodnight, jagi."


	8. Panic

  The meeting trudges on until they finally dismiss, and I'm able to go home and prepare myself. When I reach my apartment, I find myself headed straight to the shower. As I massage shampoo through my hair and let the steaming water run down my scalp, I close my eyes and picture Jinyoung holding me and brushing my hair. After my shower, I struggle to wrap a towel around myself with one arm. It hangs loosely on my body, but it's tucked enough to stay on. Besides, I'm the only one here. Who cares? I find myself staring blankly at the clothes hanging in my closet. I'd hate to be overdressed, since it's only a movie night after all. Alright, jean shorts it is. I stare at the hoodie hanging on my door knob. If only my cast would fit in the sleeve... I look down at the tank top I managed to get on and return to the bathroom without even looking at the hoodie again.

   At the front door, I slip on flip-flops, since sneakers and their laces are out of the question. I head outside and find a taxi, taking a deep breath as the car begins to move and I become closer and closer to Jinyoung.

  When I reach his house, I hurriedly get out of the cab and make my way to the front door. I reach up to knock, but the door flies open before my hand even reaches the surface. I jump in surprise at the sight of Jackson standing in the doorway. He grabs my arm and pulls me into the house. "Finally, now we can start! Young Jae, go!" I step into the front room to see six boys who had made themselves comfortable, awaiting my arrival to start the movie. Jinyoung is sitting on the couch, with an empty space between him and Yugyeom. He beams and pats that space. "I saved a spot just for you!" I weave my way through the boys sitting on the floor and quickly sit next to him. He wraps his arm around my shoulder, leans in and whispers, "Sorry it couldn't be just us, the boys insisted they be a part of it." I smile assuredly, "It's okay, the more the merrier!"

  "Sh, it's starting!" Jackson holds a finger over his mouth as Young Jae presses play. Jinyoung pulls me in a little closer, and I snuggle into his side. My eyes wander around the room. I'm squished in between Jinyoung and Yugyeom; Jackson is sitting on the floor with his back propped against Yugyeom's legs; BamBam and Young Jae are sprawled out on the floor in front of the couch, munching loudly on the bowl of popcorn that sits in between them. JB had taken the chair across the room. Mark was nowhere to be found, which was partially relieving yet disappointing. I stare blankly at the screen. Where is he?

  A half hour passes by and Mark has still not made an appearance. I internally battle myself on whether or not to ask where he is. I reluctantly decide to keep my curiosity hidden, and try to focus on Jinyoung, who is now softly running his fingers up and down my arm, leaving little sizzling trails of that bubbly feeling you get when someone touches your skin oh-so-softly. Another half hour passes by. "I'm going to go to the bathroom. I"ll be right back." Jinyoung removes his arm from my shoulder so I can get up. I creep down the hall to the bathroom, but halt in my tracks when shirtless Mark walks out of his room. My heart chokes and my throat tightens. He freezes at the sight of me, and we both just stand there with our eyes locked on one another. I might be staring into his eyes, but it's his perfectly toned body and smooth milky skin that have my full focus. He clears his throat and his biceps flex as he reaches back and scratches the back of his head. "Uh, hi."

  "Hi," I repeat before shuffling into the bathroom and quickly closing the door behind me. I lean against the door, trying to calm the butterflies in my stomach. I splash a little water on my face and take a few deep breaths, staring into the mirror for several moments, trying to encourage myself that I can make it out alive. I can make it out alive. My shaky hands reach for the door handle. It's barely open before my heart catches in my throat at the sight of Mark catching the door stepping through. He raises a finger to his heart-shaped lips and slowly walks towards me, backing me into the bathroom again and closing the door behind him. My heart throbs and my palms grow sweaty as he stands there for a moment, scanning me from head to toe with a satisfied smile on his face. He corners me against the wall with one more step.

  If anyone has that predator feeling about him, it's Mark. And if anyone is feeling like prey at the moment, it's me. He stops only when his skin is barely touching mine, the heat of his body raising my own temperature. "You can tell me to stop," he whispers as he sneaks his hands in between my thighs and presses me into the wall with his lips. Chills race down my spine. My legs falter under the shock and excitement that fill my entire body and threaten to burst, barely escaping through short moans. "Shh," he whispers against my lips, "Don't want them to hear you." I suppress everything I can (moans, movements, breathing) as his lips toy with mine, and his cinnamon tongue dances into my mouth. He presses his body harder into mine and I brace myself against the wall, pressing a single hand against his back and tracing the curve of his spine. He bites into my bottom lip and I react but digging my fingernails into his shoulder blades. His hands wander underneath the edge of my shirt, gripping onto my loves handles. My pulse races as he trails my jawline with kisses before gently sinking his teeth into my earlobe. I tug on the back of his silky hair and try to contain any sound threatening to spill out of my mouth.

  Knock knock. I shove him off of me, but he fights back and presses a hand over my mouth. Jinyoung's voice echoes from the other side of the door, "Are you doing alright? You've been in there for quite a long time." Mark removes his hand from my mouth and I clear my throat. "Yes, I'm alright," I call out. "I'll be right there, don't worry!"

  "Okay then!" I listen to the sound of his footsteps fade. I exhale and nearly fall over from the lack of oxygen. I straighten my hoodie, and comb my hair back into place with my fingers. Mark leans closer to me and touches his nose to mine, speaking quietly. "There's a party on the beach tomorrow night. Come find me." He shifts the angle of his head to bite my bottom lip again before gently pushing me towards the door. "Go, I have to... calm down." He motions to the tent in his basketball shorts. I blush heavily and turn around quickly, slipping out the door and closing it behind me.

  I fan my face with my hand, trying to cool my hot cheeks before walking back into the front room. The boys look up at me, but turn their attention back to the movie. Jinyoung smiles as I sit down. "Are you sure you're alright?" I give him my most convincing smile. "Yes, I'm okay. It just takes a while because of my arm."

   "Ah." He rests his arm around my shoulder once again, but this time his touch instills an overwhelming guilt into me. I do my best to brush it off, and try not to imagine how he would act if he ever found out. The fortune teller's remarks about his temper is now ingrained in my mind forever. Mark's words float through that idea, "Come find me." I nervously scratch at my cast, heart racing through every possibility of what could happen at the party--if I choose to go, that is.

  The movie ends quickly--or maybe not quickly, because I wasn't really paying attention to it. "Wow. I did not expect that." Jackson stares in awe at the rolling credits. Young Jae throws his pillow at Jackson's face. "Stop drooling. It wasn't that great."

  JB rolls his eyes. "What kind of second-generation chaebol risks his life to save a girl from a gang? They set her up to it, if you ask me."

  "I thought it was good..." Yugyeom shrugs his shoulders. "Me too," Jinyoung adds. "What did you think of it? I mean... what you saw, anyway." He leans into me teasingly. "I-uh, it wasn't that bad. It had a good plot line." Smooth. I begin to sit up. "It's getting late, I have to work tomorrow again. I should get going."

    "Oh, okay... I'll walk you out." The disappointment in his voice stings, and all of a sudden I find myself reluctantly taking his hand and wishing I would've decided to stay a little longer.

  As I wait for a taxi to arrive, Jinyoung wraps his arms around me in a tight hug. My stomach knots as he holds me for a few moments. "I can't wait to see you again." I force a smile, "I can't wait, either." He leans in and chastely kisses my lips. I push myself to kiss him back, shoving away whatever shame I still feel from my earlier encounter with Mark. Jinyoung steps back. "I will see you soon." He opens the cab door and gives me one last kiss on the cheek before shutting the door and tapping the window to the cab, signaling it to drive away. I try to sit back and close my eyes as the vehicle hums around me. my stomach twists and turns. There’s no way I’m getting any sleep tonight.


	9. On The Beach

   “I can’t believe I’m doing this…”  I stare at myself in the mirror, tugging at the hem of my little black dress which doesn't seem to want to stay down. I flip my loosely-curled hair and purse my Cherry-colored lips, checking for any imperfections that might turn him away. I bat my smokey eyes and practice my best Marilyn Monroe impression before slipping on my Greek sandals and heading out the door.

  As I sit in the back of the taxi, my heart flutters uncontrollably. "I can't believe I'm doing this." I can't believe I'm doing this. I CANNOT BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS. The taxi drops me off in a half-empty parking lot, and I begin to head down a lightly wooded trail that connects to the beach. Dirt slowly morphs into sand, and soon music can be heard from a distance. I notice tiki torches through the trees as I near the beach, and I suck in my breath, patting my chest to calm my heart. It’s too late to turn back now. The music grows louder with every shaky step, and soon voices can be heard.

  I step out of the trees and onto the strip of sand, anxiously scanning the crowd as I approach it. The ocean waves calmly slither onto land before recoiling back into its body, leaving traces of white foam along the wet sand. A small shack with a bar is strung with lanterns, blinking lights, and large speakers that vibrate to the pulsing beat of the music. A bartender in a Hawaiian shirt wipes the counter as a few people approach him to order drinks. People dance in the sand, holding their little umbrella drinks carefully as to not spill them while they move their bodies to the music. There must be at least a hundred people crowded on this little beach, and I still haven’t found Mark. The other party-goers shoot odd glances towards me as I weave through them, searching for Mark. They're probably wondering why the hell a girl with a broken arm is at a beach party. I push aside the discomfort and continue scanning the crowd.

  There he is, leaning against the side of the bar with a beer bottle in his hand. He tugs on the collar of his half-buttoned shirt and then tucks his hand into the pocket of his khaki shorts. He looks around, slightly puffing his bare chest and lifting the bottle to his lips. As he takes a swig, his eyes fall on me. He immediately lowers the bottle to his side and coaxes me closer with his hungry smile. His predator-like eyes study me from head to toe as I approach him, heart nearly thumping out of my chest. “You look much sexier than I expected you to,” he purrs when I reach him, lifting his arm and dragging a finger down my shoulder. I shudder at the tingling feeling. “Uhm, thank you, I guess. You too.” I brave a glance towards his nearly-glowing chest, forcing back the urge to touch his delicate skin. He smiles briefly before raising his bottle to me. “Can I get you a drink?” I shrug my shoulders, “Sure.”

   “Aye, the best one you got for my girl.” Mark leans around the corner of the shack and calls to the bartender. My muscles stiffen as the words “my girl” ring in my ears. The bartender calls back, “Comin’ right up!” Mark turns back to me and raises the bottle to his lips once again. I see something slide across the counter out of the corner of my eye. Mark reaches over and picks up the orange-red drink with a little blue umbrella and hands it to me. “For you.” I nod and take the drink from his hand. He raises his bottle and gulps down the last of his beer while I sip my drink. The heavy taste of raspberry, melon and vodka coats my tongue. I swish it in my mouth before swallowing the buzzing mixture. “Mm. This is good, what is it called?”

   “’Sex on the Beach,’” the bartender answers while I inconveniently take another sip and choke, coughing as the liquid barely makes it safely down my throat. Mark chuckles as I regain my composure. Setting his bottle on the counter, he takes the drink from my hand and places it next to the empty bottle. “Dance with me.” He grabs my hand and pulls, but I hesitate, “I don’t think—“

  “Come on, I’ve seen you dance,” he interrupts, “and Jinyoung isn’t here to stop you.” My limbs grow heavy as the burdensome reminder seeps into my mind. I look at the ground, but Mark immediately lifts my chin up to look into my eyes. “I can’t make you be with me, but I can definitely make you want to.” Something about him makes me scream inside, and I wish with all my might that I would just hate that feeling and be able to walk away. But nope, here I am, shaking Jinyoung’s face out of my head and yolo-ing it and following Mark into the crowd of dancing people.

   He stops me in a small pocket in the crowd, grabs my waist and pulls me close to him. It takes a few awkward moments for me to find my rhythm in the shifting sand beneath my feet, but Mark smoothly guides me against his rolling body. The friction between our bodies sends my nerves into overdrive. He glides his hands from the outside of my thighs, up my hips and rests them on my curves. His chin brushes my shoulder as he grinds his hips against mine. "I knew you could dance," he purrs against my ear. The curve of his body fits mine like a matching puzzle piece, his hands cup my hips perfectly, and his breath on the crook of my neck sets a deep longing in my core. My surroundings become a blur as I only focus on Mark against me.

  Several songs pass by before I'm brought out of my little world by a slow song drifting out of the speakers and Mark turning me to face him. He rests his forehead against mine and stares directly into my eyes. I wrap my hands around his neck and his hands trail down my sides and rest on my hips. I try to hide the want in my eyes, but that's exactly what he's looking for. "Come with me." He takes me by the hand and leads me away from the crowd but in the opposite direction of the parking lot. He grabs a lantern off the hook in a palm tree, and holds it out in front of him as I walk farther down the darkening beach. My stomach knots with each step we take, and my mind races at the idea of what could be happening. I try not to panic at the idea of us two having sex--I'm in no means inexperienced, but there's something about Mark that makes my blood rush and spine tingle.

  "Where are you taking me?" I’m silenced by a finger against my lips. "You'll see." He lowers his finger and continues to guide me down the beach, farther and farther away from the lights and the noise. I can no longer see any of it, and the faded music has been conquered by the sound of waves tumbling onto the shore. The nearly-full moon shines brightly in the dark purple sky, causing the entire beach to softly glow. The sky is sprinkled with blinking stars, and I can't help but think this is better than any scenery picture that could ever be painted--it was too perfect. The waves glisten as they rise and crash into the white sand. I look down the beach and notice a large cave looming ahead of us. As we near the entrance, I notice the entire floor of the cave is nothing but soft sand. Suddenly, something blue and green catches my eye at the side of the cave. Blankets have been laid down carefully along the floor.

  Mark slinks his hand around me as we make our way to the blankets and sit down. I tuck my legs, careful not to expose anything up my skirt (even though that might not matter in the near future). He sets the lantern down and sits beside me, his hip pressed up against mine. I keep my eyes locked on the ocean, but notice him gazing at me through the corner of my eye. "So this was your plan."

  "What plan?" He gently presses his lips to my shoulder and I squirm inside. Stop that. I try my hardest to focus on the ocean. "Don't think I don't know what you're up to." I'm not going to just say it.

He sits straight and heaves a sigh, looking out to the ocean, “I come here a lot, to get my mind off of things… relax.”

 “It's a nice place.” I draw a circle in the smooth sand with my finger. He smiles and looks at me, “You’re the first person I’ve ever brought here. The boys don't even know this exists. It’s my… well, man cave.” I force a laugh to hide the boiling panic inside me. He clears his throat. “You really do look incredible tonight.” I glance down at my cast. "Thanks..." flickering my eyes to the ocean scene. He catches me by the chin and quickly turns my head back, pressing his soft lips against mine. “Just tell me when to stop,” he whispers against my lips, but I don’t say “stop.” I don’t say anything. I can feel is his tongue slinking into my mouth as he holds me firmly by the back of the head, tugging on my hair. I struggle to find my breath as he presses against me, pushing me onto my back. His hands fidget underneath the hem of my skirt that has already slid all the way up my thighs. I pull eagerly at his shirt, struggling to unbutton it with one hand. He chuckles, "Here, I got it." Leaning back on his knees and unbuttoning it in no rush, but finally flinging it over his shoulders onto the ground. He leans back over, and pulls at my bottom lip with his teeth. A moan struggles to escape my throat.

  He wiggles a finger underneath the cloth of my panties and I flinch, but I still don't say "stop." He wiggles it in, searching for my clit. I squirm anxiously, yearning for more of his touch. My stomach clenches and my legs twitch from the feeling of his finger slowly circling my throbbing clit. I pull on his hair as his lips glide down my jawline and neck. I can feel my tender flesh start to bruise as he sucks on my collarbone. His finger retreats from my clit only long enough to pull my panties down my legs. By now, the bottom of my dress has reached all the way to my belly button. I can feel the light tread of his fingers up the inside of my bare thigh. He sinks his teeth into the crook of my neck and shoves two fingers into my opening. I clench my legs around his arm as he smoothly slides in and out, adding another finger. It becomes more difficult to hold back my moans as he stretches his fingers inside me. My arm strains painfully as I try to hold myself up on one elbow.

  He hovers over me, gazing at my parted lips as if in a trance. Without warning, he collides back into my mouth, sucking and biting until my lips are swollen. He slides his head to the side of my face and breathes heavily into my ear as he curls his fingers inside me. "That's it, that's it," he whispers as I whimper and dig my fingers into the sand. He suddenly withdraws his fingers, leaving me struggling to catch my breath.

  Mark leans back on his knees, and I can clearly see the bulge in his shorts and a small dark spot where his pre-cum soaked through. During the time it takes for him to unzip his shorts and shove them down his thighs, I readjust myself on the blankets. I can't feel the relief in my arm because I'm too focused on watching his member pop out of his shorts. He reaches for me, pulling me to my knees and guiding my head down with his hands tangled in my hair. My heart thrashes as I rest my lips on the swollen tip, slowly parting them and letting his length slide into my mouth. It's warm and thick and now it's all I want. He inhales sharply and tugs on my hair as I run my tongue through the slit, and slowly rock my head back and forth. He softly pumps his hips to the rhythm of my motions, sweet nothings to escaping his lips. He pumps harder, reaching the back of my throat. I'm prone to gagging reflexes, but the only focus is to make Mark happy.  

  I feel him unzipping the back of my dress, and pull back to let it slide down my arms. "Shit." I pause everything to pull at the sleeve caught on my cast. It comes off with a little bit of a fight. I decide to finish undressing and unhook my bra, letting it fall to the ground. We’re kneeling in front of each other, completely vulnerable. A pleased smile stretches across his face. "Alright, I admit it, you are incredibly sexy." If it was possible for my face to get any hotter, I could definitely feel it now. Mark leans over me, and I lie back down on the blanket. I can feel his wet, smooth skin against mine as he rests on his elbows on either side of me. I claw at his waist in between my legs as he runs his tongue along one of my breasts, finally enclosing my nipple completely in between his lips. My back arches as he presses his tongue against my nipple, gently massaging the other one with his thumb.  

  He runs his tongue up my chest to my neck, scooting upward until I can feel the heat between my legs. He carefully positions himself over me. I hear the crinkling of a condom wrapper and within a few seconds, he's running the tip of his shaft in between my legs. My stomach knots and my vision goes blurry; all of a sudden he's inside me. My fingernails find their place in his skin as he thrusts into me, breathing heavier with each thrust."Fuck, babe." My legs go numb and my brain buzzes as I gaze at him. Beads of sweat have collected on his face, and his eyes are filled with ecstasy. My core burns and I can feel him vibrating as he thrusts mercilessly into me. "Oh my god!"

  My walls close against his throbbing member and he sucks in his breath. "You feel so good." I'm panting at this point, no words can be formed. "Shit," he hisses and catches himself on his hands as the sweet release swirls inside me. He slowly pulls out of me, and replaces his cock with his fingers once again, thrusting into me viciously. It doesn't take long for me to finally burst with pleasure. He holds his dripping fingers up to his mouth, licking off the cum off before wiping them on the edge of the blanket. He pulls the condom off and tosses it aside in the sand, then settles himself next to me. He wraps his arm around my bare waist and rests his lips on my shoulder. "You don't plan on going anywhere else tonight, right?"

  "No." I stare at the rocky cave ceiling. "Good." He snuggles closer to me. His skin radiates heat onto mine, lulling me to sleep. Soon enough, I find myself slipping into the sound of ocean waves.

 

   "Ya..." My eyes flutter open, and I momentarily panic, forgetting where I am and why I'm completely naked. My eyes dart around the sunlit cave, and last night's events make an appearance in my memory. I look over to see Mark sitting beside me, fully clothed. He hands me the pile of my clothes with a smirk on his face. I groggily take them and start to put them on. Mark watches me carefully and attentively. When I finish, he pulls me to my feet. "I've already called a cab for you, so it should be waiting."

   "Thanks."

  "Would you like me to walk with you?" Do fuckboys ask that? Is he being sincere?

  "Sure." He takes my hand and accompanies me back down the now-empty beach. The shack sits quietly with the lights still hanging all around it, although they aren't lit anymore. Other than the footprints scattered everywhere, I would've never guessed there was a party the night before. Mark and I quietly make our way up the trail to the parking lot. I can see the yellow cab parked, waiting for me. "I'll see you later, I guess." He opens the door and I offer a smile before getting in. As I drive away, I watch him stand and stare until I'm out of sight. I sit back and reminisce about everything--the lights, the dancing, the moon, the sand, his skin, the way he breathed... and I can hardly keep the smile off my face.


	10. Picture Perfect

   "Are you sure you want to do this today? We can always wait until you're feeling better, and your cast is off." Jinyoung zips up the back of my white and yellow sundress. JB uncovers his eyes. "He's right, you know."

   From the moment they walked into my apartment, the ball of guilt had spiraled into power. Avoiding gazes and speaking shakily only made them notice more. I blamed it on my arm hurting which wasn't exactly a lie because it had been bothering me lately, but even that leads back to my rendezvous with Mark on the beach. Suck it up, you can do this. Put on your smiling face and go. Hwaiting.

   I shake my head, "Nope. You're already here. My dress is already on. Besides, it's still another week and a half before it comes off and then I have to wait for my skin to go back to normal. I don't feel like waiting that long."

   "Okay." Jinyoung chuckles and glances over to JB, who is also laughing at me. Smiling face. I playfully roll my eyes, "Let's go."

   They take me to the park near my house. I step out of the car and look down the hill at the little stream flowing into a tiny pond. A white gazebo is perched right at the edge of the pond, and the only way to reach it is to cross a short bridge that passes over the stream. I can't see it from the parking lot, but I can already picture the view of the lake that sits in the valley, past the gazebo. "Let's start around the pond and then we can look for other places." JB points his camera in that direction. "That's a fancy camera, JB-ssi." I raise my eyebrows.

   "I borrowed it from one of the staff." He shrugs. We make our way over to the bridge. Jinyoung and I lean over the railing and wait for JB to find his place on the other side of the pond. "Okay, let's take a few practice shots. Put your hand on Jinyoung's shoulder and smile at me." I try to follow what he says, "Like this?" The camera clicks several times. JB continues to snap photos while directing us to pose. "Loosen up a bit!"

   "I'm trying, it's hard!" I pout as Jinyoung chuckles. "It's okay, you'll get the hang of it. Like this--" he quickly pulls me closer by the waist and rests his forehead against mine. Don't look away. Smiling face. I can feel my face growing hot but his smile reflects on my face. "That's better!" JB's camera clicks a few more times. Jinyoung pokes me in the side. "Ya!" I try not to laugh, "that's not funny, you know I'm ticklish!"

   "Then why are you laughing?" He looks at me teasingly and steps behind me, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. It's getting easier to pretend. I close my eyes, soaking in his touch. "Beautiful!" JB shouts from across the pond. "Move over to the gazebo!" Jinyoung takes me by the hand across the bridge, into the wooden building. I look down the hill to the sparkling lake. "Would you like to dance with me?" He takes a deep bow; I curtsy in return, "of course." He holds my hand out, placing his other hand on my waist and I place mine on his shoulder. We spin around the wooden floor like we were at a royal ball. JB sneaks up to the entrance of the gazebo and snaps pictures as we dance. Jinyoung spins me one final time before dipping me to finish our dance. He looks intently into my eyes before pecking my forehead with his lips and pulling me to my feet. JB claps his hands. "Moving. Absolutely moving. Speaking of moving, let's move to the pond." He returns to his place on the other side of the water, and we follow closely behind. My eyes wander to the grass we're walking through and they fall on the biggest bee I've ever seen in my entire life--and of course it's only inches from my ankle. If shrieking wasn't enough, I dash to the other side of Jinyoung like it's going to eat my ankle. "No no no no no!" Jinyoung jumps at the siren being released from my mouth, looks at the bumblebee, and bursts into laughter. "It's just a bee!"

   "It's going to sting me!" After a very traumatic childhood experience, the very sight of things with stingers inflicts panic into my entire being. The bee buzzes near the ground in a few circles then of course heads straight for my ankle again. I claw at Jinyoung like a scared cat trying to climb up a tree to safety, "Get it away GET AWAY!" Jinyoung shakes his head, "Ya, it's flying away. You're okay." I continue to cling to his shirt until I watch the bee float further and further away. "You're cute when you're scared." Jinyoung's lips are alarmingly close to my ear. I turn quickly to face him. He laughs. I don't even have to pretend anymore, all I see is Jinyoung. I start to laugh. He takes me by the hand until we reach the edge of the pond near JB. "Okay you can stand here, or on that huge rock over there." JB points to a large, flat rock that sticks out from the edge of the pond. I skip towards the rock. "Of course I want to stand on the rock!" I carefully step onto it, then not so carefully spin around to look at JB and Jinyoung. "Jagiya!" Jinyoung rushes to catch me as I feel my body tilt backward. Right before I lose my footing and tumble into the water, his hand snatches my wrist and pulls me forward into him on solid ground. "Ya, pabo!" Relieved laughter mixes in with his words, "What are you doing?" He doesn't let go of me, even though I'm stable. "Oops..." I smile bashfully as he laughs a little louder. "Let's stick to the ground, okay?" I can't hold back my giggling, "Good idea."

   After JB captures a few decent candid shots near the water (but not really near, since we couldn't risk falling in again), we wander up the hill to a little dandelion field. A gentle breeze sweeps through, carrying off little white seeds through the air like snowflakes. My nose starts to tingle, but I ignore the sensation and dance right into the field. Jinyoung walks casually behind me, followed by JB. He picks a nearby flower and holds it out for me. "Make a wish." I close my eyes for a few seconds. I wish that no matter what happens, Jinyoung will be happy. I open my eyes and blow as hard as I can until all the seeds have dispersed and are now floating through the air. "What did you wish for?" Jinyoung leans in closely, raising an eyebrow. "Forget it. It won't come true if I tell you." I lean over and pick another dandelion. "It's your turn." He closes his eyes for a few moments before opening them and blowing all the seeds away. "Aren't you going to ask what I wished for?"     

   "No."

   "I wished that you will be miserable forever." I shoot a glare in his direction. "Ya, why did you wish something so rude?" He smiles mischievously, "I told you, so it can't come true." It takes a moment for me to catch on, "Oh..."

   "Now you have to be happy." He pinches my cheek softly. All I can do is smile. Guess we had the same idea. Another breeze swings through the field, carrying even more seeds into the air. My eyes water and I sneeze once, twice, three times. Jinyoung laughs at me, "Uh oh. Looks like we should go before you start sneezing everywhere." I ignore his comment and raise my hands in the air, trying to catch as many seeds as I can while they whiz past me. Jinyoung chases after me. "Didn't you hear what I said?!" I let out a squeal and try to dodge his grasp, running through the springtime snowflakes. "Ya, come back here!" He catches me by the waist, picking me up and swinging me around before setting me back on the ground. Butterflies twirl in my stomach and escape my mouth in bursts of laughter. His chocolate eyes gleam in the sunlight and his smile shines brighter than the glistening lake below.

   We stand there, oblivious to everything else going on around us. Kiss him. Our lips latch onto each others'. Time is frozen, the birds are singing a love song, the sun bestows a blessing of light rays upon our heads. He pulls me in a little closer before releasing me. His eyes are glazed over with something I've never seen before. No one has ever looked at me the way he's looking at me, like he is staring at the prettiest creature he's ever laid eyes on. We just stand in our own abyss, where all we see is each other. The moment is broken by another sneeze. Jinyoung pats my arm and whispers, "Are you ready to go?"  I intertwine my fingers in his, heading towards JB who is still holding the camera up to his face. By the time we make it back to the gazebo, my feet start to ache. "I can't make it," I whine, "Go on without me!" I pretend to collapse on the ground. Jinyoung laughs and without a single word, sweeps me off of my feet and begins to carry me back to the car. I can't help but rest my head on his shoulder and grin. "You're spoiled." JB calls from behind us. Without turning around, Jinyoung responds, "That's the way it should be." I lift my head and stick my tongue out at JB. He quickly lifts the camera to capture it. I giggle and rest my head back on Jinyoung's shoulder.

 

   "I had fun today." I look through the car window as I stand on the sidewalk outside my apartment complex. "I had fun today, too. We'll have to get together soon, okay?"

   "Yes, and this time you can come over to my house, since I'm sure you're getting sick of having guests in your home." I smirk as he playfully shakes his head, "You're always welcome in our home... but since you're offering... I would love to come over sometime." I nod in acknowledgement, "My place it is. I'll let you know."

   "See you later, princess." He and JB wave one last time before pulling away from the curb.


	11. Under My Roof

   Jinyoung steps inside my apartment and kisses my forehead. "I'm assuming everything at the doctor's went well?" He motions to my cast-free arm that is covered by my long sleeved-shirt. I couldn't bear the thought of Jinyoung seeing my hideous, wrinkled skin, even though I came home and washed it several times to try and make it look not-so-scaly. I finally resulted in wearing a long-sleeve shirt and making sure the majority of it is hidden.

  "Yeah, I'm glad to have my arm back." I bury myself into his shoulder and inhale his scent as if I've forgotten what he smells like, even though it hasn't been too long since we had last seen each other. After the photo shoot, his schedule had gotten fairly busy and we were only able to meet for coffee once. Of course, that means Mark's schedule had also gotten busy, allowing time for a few cliche conversations that were never finished because he always fell asleep.

  "What's for dinner, baby?" Jinyoung steps into the small living area, looking towards the open kitchen on the other side of the couch. My stomach churns at the pet name. "I decided to make steamed cabbage and chicken stir-fry, is that okay?"

  "Sounds delightful. Can I help?"

  "The more, the merrier." I follow him into the kitchen where I have already pulled out most of the ingredients. He looks at the recipe book sitting open on the counter. "Seems simple enough!" He scans the kitchen. "Aha!" He spots a white apron with the pink-and-yellow flower pattern hanging on a hook on the wall and takes it, tying it around his waist. He spins around quickly and strikes a pose. "How do I look, my lady fair?" I laugh in response, "So dashing." He smiles and bows, "Shall we get started?"

  Mixing ingredients isn't difficult, until he accidentally adds a cringe worthy amount of salt. "Oops, that was a big pinch."

   "I'm sure it'll be fine." No. No, it won't be fine.

  "Well, just to be safe, how about you add the garlic?" He nods towards the container. I take the shaker in my hand and stepping close to his side. He stirs the mixture of vegetables and seasonings as I carefully sprinkle the garlic powder over the top. "See? It's not hard." I turn to him in the same moment he turns to me. "Oops." Our noses bump and for a moment and we're frozen, staring into each others eyes. Everything inside me is screaming look away but I can't bring myself to turn away. I feel his sweet breath on my face as he laughs softly, his eyes crinkling around the corners. The surface of my face has to be changing color by now. I finally pull my gaze away, struggling to keep the embarrassed expression off my face. He brushes my pink cheek with his finger. "I probably haven't told you this enough, but you're so pretty." I force myself to meet his admiring gaze with a quiet voice, "I'm glad you think so." He cups my face in both of his hands and places a kiss on my forehead. The knot in my stomach has dissolved into a tingling sensation, but it fades as soon as he turns back to the bowl of mixed ingredients. "Is this ready to cook?"

  "Yes." I watch him carry the bowl to the stove and dump it all into a skillet, turning on the flame. He insists on cooking it, in case I accidentally burn myself on the stove (which is dumb because hello I live on my own, but it's also cute so whatever). All I can do is smile and shake my head. We make small talk until it's finished. "Try it." Jinyoung holds up a spoon with a few vegetables on the end. I gently blow the steam away before accepting the spoon. The taste of garlic and savory chicken fills my mouth. "It's delicious!"

 We set the table and sit next to each other. Jinyoung hesitates to take his first bite. "Are you sure it's not too salty?"

"It's not, I promise. Here," I scoop up a piece of cabbage and chicken on my fork and raise it to his lips. He hesitantly opens his mouth, then chews for a moment until his uncertain expression changes to delight. "Daebak! It's so good!" He eagerly shovels more stir-fry into his mouth while I struggle not to follow suit, taking small "lady-like" bites.

  Jinyoung's plate is almost empty before he sits straight up and raises a finger midair. "Do you know what we need?"

  "What?" God, please don't say a conversation about feelings.

   "Music." Thank you Jesus. He stands up, taking his phone out of his pocket. "Do you have a cord to your stereo?" He walks over to inspect my small speaker system sitting on the shelf in my living room. "Yes, it should be right there." I watch him search until he finds it, hooking his phone up to the speakers, turning them on and scrolling through his phone. A few moments later, Michael Buble's rendition of "Can't Help Falling In Love" begins to play. Jinyoung sets his phone down reaches out to me, "Would you do me the honor of dancing with me?" He wraps an arm around my waist and intertwines his fingers in mine. His hand is soft and cool, reminding me exactly of how it felt when he led me to the dance floor for the first time.

  We sway back and forth, his brown eyes sparkling as they gaze into mine. I can barely contain the butterflies in my stomach. He shakes his head slightly, "I don't want this to end."

  "Me either." His eyes wander around my face until they finally focus on my mouth. He parts his perfectly round lips as he leans in to rest them on mine. I stare at his closed eyes for a second before my own eyelids flutter shut. The movement of our mouths fall in sync as the kiss escalates. A longing settles into my chest--not the sexual kind of longing, but the longing of simply wanting him close. His very presence fills me with a pure and simple happiness. This is what the fortune teller meant by real substance. This is what I need in my life. The warmth of his lips suddenly disappears and I open my eyes to stare directly into his. "Let's date." The words soar like a bird and thump right into the window of my heart. "Date?"

  "Yes. I want you to officially be my girlfriend. I want this to be more than just seeing each other. I want you to be mine." His words barely sink in. Mark's smile flashes across my mind, then the visual of his sweat-covered body glistening in the moonlight. I picture the kisses I've shared in the bathroom, the hallway, the cave... My vision shifts to Jinyoung's smile, his arms around my waist, the warmth of his presence. The Fortune Teller's words ring in my ears: "always ready to respond to a show of affection or appreciation." Okay, whatever. So it's a bit of a problem. I can figure this out.

  "Let me think about it," I finally manage to say.

   "Take as much time as you need." He circles to the front of the couch and sits down, motioning for me to sit next to him. "Do you want to see the photos now?" Curiosity pushes me to sit next to him as he pulls the photos from the envelope. The first one is of us standing on the little white bridge, with my hand on his shoulder and a somewhat fake smile painted across my face. "JB was right, I did need to loosen up..." Jinyoung laughs and sets the photo on the table. The rest of the bridge pictures slowly get more and more natural and prettier. Then come to the gazebo pictures. The last photo of that scene is my favorite: Jinyoung holding me as he dips me, his lips resting gently on my forehead. The next photo is of Jinyoung laughing at my terrified expression caused by the bumblebee. I groan, "Of course he had to catch that." He flipped to the next photo, and it's of us in the same position, except we're both laughing this time. "Oh..." I study our happy expressions and immediately feel the same joy I had in that moment.

   A few pictures later, and we come across the photo of me nearly falling into the pond. Jinyoung's arm is reached out, grabbing onto my hand before I'm about to tumble head first into the green water. The next few photos are a continuation of him pulling me into his embrace, and us smiling at each other. Towards the bottom of the pile is the one of us playing in the dandelions. My nose tingles at the memory, but we look so happy that I can't say I regret it. Then there's our kiss. The sky is set perfectly behind us, and it looks like we're the center of the world. The second-to-last picture is behind Jinyoung carrying me back to the car. My lime cast hangs over his shoulder and the back of my head can be seen resting on him. Of course the last one is of me sticking my tongue out at JB. Jinyoung sets it down on the table. "You looked so pretty." My cheeks flush a light pink. "You looked really handsome. I'm glad we did it. It was a lot of fun."

   "Me too." He looks directly into my eyes. We stare at each other for a few endless moments before he pulls my face close, kissing me once again. His hands linger around my waist, tugging on my shirt and coaxing me closer to his warm body. I run my fingernails along the veins of his neck, and he immediately pulls me closer. My knees get caught against his leg, and I hesitate to move them in case he stops kissing me. I carefully slide one leg over his, and he takes the initiative and pulls me onto his lap. I tighten my thighs around his waist as he shifts on the couch, sliding back until he's lying down with me on top of him. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me tighter into his embrace, his hands gliding over my back, pinching my thighs, sliding up my sides, then holding the back of my head and gently tugging on my hair. He kisses me softly for a few moments, then kisses me harder and harder, pulling me closer and closer. His tongue slides smoothly into my mouth, groping for my tongue. I'm a bit surprised, but I'm too busy enjoying it to ponder.

  He begins to pull my shirt up, and I immediately hesitate. Mark's voice creeps into the back of my head, "Just tell me when to stop." Jinyoung pulls back. "Am I going too fast? We don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"No, It's just... my arm. I'm not quite comfortable with it yet." I tug my sleeve to cover up my wrist. "That's okay. I don't mind." He pulls an arm up behind his head and settles back on it, "To tell you the truth," he pauses a moment, "I've never gone further than this with anyone. I've always wanted my first time to be special, and you're the first girl who has ever made me feel this way." That old familiar knot of guilt finds itself in my gut, almost like it's returning home. "I... I'm flattered."

  I want it, there's no denying it. I want it so badly; I crave the way he makes me feel; but the idea of me taking something from him when I've been sharing myself with Mark makes me cringe internally. He places his hands on my face, forcing me to look him in the eye. "Hey, I don't ever want you to feel bad about this. Okay? I probably shouldn't have told you, I don't want you to feel guilty or pressured or anything. Everything is okay." A nod is all  I can manage, since opening my mouth would most likely result in me blurting out what's really wrong. He kisses me gently once again, "I... I really care about you." The words ring in my ears for a few seconds and I hear myself saying, "I care about you, too." Although they sounded more like a script than my own words.

  Jinyoung carefully sits up, keeping me on his lap. He kisses me once again. "You know, I'd hate to leave a mess for you to clean up... can I help with the dishes?" I nod my head, sliding off his lap and beginning to help him clean off the table by carrying dishes into the kitchen. He turns on the water to fill the sink, making sure to pour plenty of soap into the stream of water to create bubbles. We soon create a system of washing and drying and putting away. When I approach the sink after putting something away, he whips around to wipe bubbles on my nose. "Surprise!"

   "Oh it's on!" I scoop a handful of suds and slap them onto his shoulder. He quickly gathers more into his hands and before I can escape his reach, he pins me against the counter and tries to hold me still while smearing them in my hair. The room is filled with laughter and squealing.

  Before we know it, we’re are sitting on the floor covered in suds and gasping for air. Mere eye contact is enough to send us both into a fit of laughter. He rises to his feet and holds his hands out to me. "Truce?" I accept his hand as an offer. He looks at his watch, "Oh, I didn't realize it was getting so late. I should probably get going. Here, let me help you clean this up before I go--"

  "It's okay, it'll only take a few minutes. I can do it."

  "Are you sure?"

  "Yes, I'm sure," I offer a convincing smile, which he accepts. He picks up a towel to wipe off the suds covering his half-soaked clothes. I slowly follow him to the door, and he hugs me, pressing our wet, soapy clothes together. "Tonight was really fun. Thank you for dinner." I smile into his shoulder. "Of course." He kisses my forehead. "I'll see you soon."

  "Good night." He kisses me one last time, wrapping me tightly in his arms. I can feel his heart pounding against mine. He reluctantly pulls back and smiles one last time before closing the door behind him.

  I turn back to the messy kitchen, immediately getting to work, wiping up the soap and water. By the time I finish, my hands are pruned and my clothes are still wet. I glance at the clock, 11:30 pm. Suddenly, my eyelids feel like weights. I drowsily make my way to the bathroom and turn on the water to shower. I take my shirt off, glancing at my ugly arm in the mirror and turning away in disgust. I hop into the stream of water, rushing to clean myself so I don't pass out in the shower, jumping out and drying myself off. I slip on some shorts and a tank top, then wrap a towel over my wet hair.

  As I brush my teeth, I seem to hear a knock on the front door. I pause a moment, listening for it again--silence. I spit the toothpaste into the sink, and rinse my mouth. I hear a knock again, and this time I walk out into the living room, glancing at the clock. 11:57. Who the hell could be here at this hour? I approach the door cautiously, towel still wrapped around my head. I grab the baseball bat I keep near the door in case a burglar is trying to break into my house, proceeding like I'm the main character of a horror film. Knock! Knock! Now isn't the time to be a coward. I jump before I grab the door handle and slowly turn it. Here goes nothing.

   "Fuck! You scared the shit out of me.What are you doing here?" Mark steps inside before saying a word, shutting the door and looking around my apartment. His eyes fall on the bat laying on the floor. "Were you going to hit me with that?" I pick up the bat and place it back in its spot against the wall. "Well usually people don't randomly show up at midnight. You still haven't told me why you're here." He steps past me, looking around the apartment. "I wanted to see you. Nice place." He walks into the living area and drops his backpack onto my coffee table next to the pile of photos. He picks up one of the pictures and examines it before placing it back on top of the pile and returning to me. "Looks like you two had a good time," he surrounds me with his arms and plants a kiss on my lips, "but you're mine now." My towel-hat starts to slip off my head, and I quickly reach up to hold it in place. "Hold on, let me go brush my hair."

  I leave him alone in the living room, hoping to God he doesn't go looking through all of the photos on my coffee table. Not that I had anything to hide. He knows; but the thought still makes me want to move far away and become a nun. I shut the door and pull off the towel, staring at my makeup-less face and messy, wet hair. I pat my chest, trying to calm myself down before hurrying to brush my hair and making myself look as decent as possible for someone who is just going to bed--although I'm not so sure if I'll be going to bed as soon as I thought. I take a deep breath and march back into the living room.

  Mark has made himself at home on my couch, doing exactly what I had hoped he wasn't. He looks up as I pad into the room, "You look hot." I try to play it cool by rolling my eyes, but my insides are screaming PUT THE PHOTOS DOWN. He pats the cushion next to him and I sit down next to him. "Why did you show up here so late?"

  "You don't believe that I wanted to see you, huh?" He places the photo in his hand on the table and raises it behind his head, resting back on his arm. "I do believe you," I retort, "but may I remind you it's midnight."

  "Would you rather me show up during your date with Jinyoung?" Why did he have to go there? "No..."

  "So I decided midnight was a good time."

  "You could have at least warned me."

  "Nah, then you would've made it obvious." I internally roll my eyes. "How was your date, anyway?"

  "It was fine." I don't feel the need to explain to him everything that happened between me and Jinyoung--in fact, I wanted to keep it to myself. Mark didn't seem that interested, anyway. He sits up and leans close to me. "I can leave if you want me to."

  "No, you're already here; and it seems like you've already packed to stay the night." I look over at his backpack. He shrugs, "I didn't think you would be opposed to it." Being upset with him is more difficult than it should be. He reaches over and picks up my scaly arm. "So this is what it looks like without a cast!" I pull my arm away and try to hide it behind my back. "Don't look at it, it's so ugly." He laughs, "It's too late now. I don't care what it looks like. Besides, I'm the one who broke it, remember?" I slowly pull my arm from behind my back. He runs a finger along my skin, goosebumps raising along its path. I shudder as his finger continues up my arm, along my shoulder and neck, across my jawline before raising my chin up while he thumbs at my bottom lip.

  His kiss releases bubbles of excitement through my body. His very touch sends every nerve into overdrive. He brushes his lips down my jaw to my neck, sweetly nibbling on my sensitive skin. I try to soak in the sensation, but my exhaustion is setting so deeply into my body that I can hardly keep my own head up. My head nods back and forth as I fight my sleepiness, trying to hide it from Mark; however, it doesn't take long for him to notice. He stops kissing my neck and rests his forehead on my shoulder, "You can go to bed. I don't plan on going anywhere, you know." I carefully rise to my feet, but sink back down as my muscles give into exhaustion.

  Mark chuckles and picks me up from the couch, carefully carrying me wedding-style (No, stop. Don't think about that) into my bedroom. He gently lays me down on the bed, pulling the covers back and letting me crawl underneath them before pulling them up around me. I watch as he takes his shirt off, revealing his beautifully pale skin and flawlessly chiseled muscles. He unbuckles his jeans and lets them slide down his legs before kicking them off and climbing into the other side of my bed. I feel the warmth of his body surround me before I immediately sink into a deep sleep.

the warmth of his body surround me before I immediately sink into a deep sleep.  


	12. Fancy Seeing You Here

 

  I wake up to the sound of water running coming from across the hall. Mark's clothes are still sitting in a pile on the floor. My heart skips a beat when I hear the water shut off and the shower curtain slide back. Shit shit shit. I throw myself out of bed, kicking aside Mark's clothes, and hustle into the hallway. The door swings opens and there he is, with a measly little towel wrapped around his waist, "Shit-" He takes the other towel in his hand and quickly dries his messy hair. "God, you couldn't have warned me you were there?"

  "S-Sorry," if it isn't the hardest thing in existence not to stare at his water droplet-covered abs that flex as he raises his arms to dry his hair. I lock my knees to keep myself from falling right over. Complete with an eye roll, he scoffs, "Come on, it's not like you've never seen me like this." He takes one step forward and I'm up against the wall. He inches his face close to mine and that same nervous feeling settles in my stomach as he smirks, "If you'd like, I can take it off." My throat swells like an allergic reaction (he always seemed to have the effect on me). It isn't until he steps back that I can breathe somewhat comfortably again. He spins on his heels to walk back into the bathroom. Psych. He swings me across his shoulder and carries me into my bedroom as I cling to his partially wet, slippery skin, half-screaming and half-laughing.

  He gently tosses me onto the bed and crawls over me, his towel starting to unravel. My stomach flutters heavily as it falls open, revealing his already-hardening cock. "Oops, naega an geuraesseo?" and the towel is gone--tossed onto the floor like yesterday's newspaper. "It's your turn." He yanks my shorts and underwear down my legs, releasing an evil laugh. I nervously laugh in response, pulling my damp shirt over my head and settling back. He climbs on top of me, slamming his lips against mine--his slick skin sliding against me. I whine against his lips as he reaches down, circling my throbbing clit with a single finger. He quiets me by shoving his tongue into my mouth, sloppily kissing me. He pinches my clit. "Fuck." I pull at the sheets and cry into his mouth. He gently slides two fingers into my opening. I clench my thighs around his waist. My swelling lips are suddenly left longing for more as he trails his tongue down my neck to my collarbone. I can feel my tender flesh bruising underneath his lips.

  He bites into my skin, leaving marks all down my torso. My skin flares as he inches closer and closer towards my inner thighs. His lips smack with every kiss along my waistline, then quickly nibbles on the inside of my thigh before replacing his fingers inside me with his tongue. The back-arching movement of his tongue flicking against my walls makes my toes curl, "Holy shit." I grip onto his damp hair, trying not to pull too hard as he swishes his tongue. He nips at my clit and I inhale sharply. "Oh my god. Fuck."

  He kisses back up, hovering over my chest and gently pinching one of my nipples as he tugs at the other with his teeth. He props himself up on his hands, hunger swimming in his eyes. He licks his glistening, swollen lips. "Do you have a condom?"

"Yeah." I reach into the drawer of my bedside table and pull out a golden square. "So you do this often, huh?" He takes it from my hands and unwraps it. "Not as often as you wish." I watch him carefully slide it on his swollen cock. "Ouch." He settles back over me, sliding the tip of his length in between of my folds. I pause all form of moving--including breathing, as soon as I feel the tip of his cock stretch inside of me. I dig my nails into his shoulder blades as he slides all the way out, then all the way back in. He gazes into my eyes, studying my expression until he hits a spot. "Fuck, babe!" He pounds into that spot again, making me moan and cry his name. He lowers his head and sinks his teeth into my collarbone, quickening his pace. My stomach curls at the sound of him panting over me.

  He grabs onto my hips and rolls, pulling me up on top of him and being careful to remain inside me. "Ride me, baby." Without any further coaxing, I grind my hips against his. His fingers curl around my hips and he leans his head back into the pillow. "Fuck. Faster." My legs start to shake from the bursts of pleasure every time I press into him. "Faster." The sounds of skin slapping skin, panting, and moaning fill my bedroom. My legs grow numb as the pleasure bubbles between them. I slam my pelvis down as hard as I can muster, a wave of shock crashing into me as I release onto him. My legs falter to keep the quick pace. Mark guides my hips with his hands. "Keep going. I'm... almost..." Mark finishes his sentence with a loud moan as I barely feel him vibrating into me. My legs give in and I slide off of him, closing my eyes and trying to regain my breath. I turn my head to look at him, "So much for showering this morning, huh?" His lips curl into a smile. "Nah, that was my plan."

   "Excuse me?" He jumps off the bed without another word. "This was your plan?!" I gently smack his chest as he picks me up once again. "Hey, stop that." He blows a puff of air into my face, and of course I flinch and shut my eyes tightly. The sensation of cold sends chills up my spine as he sets me down on the toilet seat. "Do you like it hot?"

  "Steamy." That sounded more sarcastic than seductive. He flips the water on and holds his hand out. "Care to join me?" I accept his hand and step into the shower behind him. The actually very steamy water hits my back and sprays Mark in the chest. "I like this." He presses his soaked body against mine, kissing me underneath the waterfall. The water runs down my body while Mark's hands run all over. He reaches for the bottle of body wash on the small shelf, pouring some into his hands and lathering my chest. I scoop up some of the suds and begin to cover him in soap as well. "This is hot." He flashes his white smile of satisfaction.

  My mind flashes back to Jinyoung being covered in bubbles the night before, and an instant pang of guilt nearly knocks the breath out of me. "Is everything okay? What's wrong?"

  "Nothing." I shake my head and continue to massage soap into his washboard abs. He accepts my answer, pressing his bubble-covered self against me, lifting my chin up and kissing me once again. He grabs my ass and I stabilize myself against him. I think of Jinyoung sitting on my kitchen floor, laughing and smiling. My eyes sting with tears and I immediately thrash my head back under the water to wash them away. Mark looks at me with concern, "Are you sure you're okay?" I inhale shakily, "I'm okay. I just--I remembered I have things I need to do today... Like get groceries."

  "Can I come?"

  "Uh... you want to go with me? Out in public?"

  "Why not? People saw us at the beach party."

  "Well... okay."

  "Great." He smacks his lips against mine before rinsing off the suds. We take turns underneath the water, stopping frequently to kiss and grope each other. I step out of the shower as he grabs a towel. He wraps it around me, gently drying my back off first, then bending down to his knees to dry off my ass and legs, before starting to dry my front. I watch his smooth, wet skin glisten in the florescent light and his biceps bulge as he moves the towel back and forth across my skin. He stands up and hands the towel to me with a wink. "My turn." He holds his arms out, waiting patiently. I nervously start running the towel across his chest and stomach first, around his arms, and further down his torso. I blush as I dry around his partial-erection, but he stands completely still. I bend over and dry his legs when I hear his voice: "You look pretty sexy at this angle." God, does he have some nerve. I immediately straighten up with a red face, met with his laughter.

  I toss the towel at him and leave the bathroom to find clothes. As I tug on my ripped skinny jeans, Mark enters my room wearing his own ripped skinny jeans and a yellow hoodie. "Can we at least eat before we go? All this exercise had made me starving." I roll my eyes. "Yes, there's cereal on top of the fridge." He leaves the room and I have half the mind to follow him, but decide to trust him in the kitchen by himself while I finish getting ready.

  A while later, I find myself standing at the front door and facing off with Mark. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

  "Yes, I'm sure. Come on, let's go." He opens the door and heads out with me reluctantly trailing behind him.

 

  The grocery store isn't busy, which is a huge a relief to me. I push the cart while Mark follows closely behind, asking why I won't get the freshly baked rice cakes or the Choco Boys or the entire shelf of banana milk, since that's his favorite. I head down each aisle, searching for the items on my list and occasionally needing Mark to reach the things high up on the shelf. I've almost crossed everything off, finally making my way to the last things I need when Mark ducks into the nearest aisle. "Oh shit!"

"Hey, where are you goi-" My stomach drops when I lay eyes on the figure a few aisles away. He notices me standing there, and immediately smiles with delight and surprise. A second man stands behind him, looking at something on the shelf. Time seems to stand still as the two make their way towards me, but it still isn't enough time to prepare myself. "Shit."


	13. Torn

   Jinyoung wraps his arms around me and I freeze with my hands to my side. “What are the chances I would get to see such a beautiful face here?” I bite the inside of my lip as hard as I possibly can without drawing blood. He steps back and looks over my cart. “Are you almost done shopping?” I nod. JB walks up behind Jinyoung, distractedly greeting me. His eyes dart back and forth across the store, as if he’s looking for someone. My hands start to sweat and my heart pounds mercilessly. Jinyoung continues, “We just came to grab a few things. BamBam and Jackson decided to eat all the ramyun in one sitting last night.” He suddenly looks past me and I cringe at the dreaded voice behind me. “Hey guys!” I turn around to see Mark approaching our pow-wow, carrying two cases of soju. The biggest fake smile I've seen in my life is plastered across his face. “Are we having a party here, or what?” Jinyoung greets him with a fist-bump. “I guess so. Is that really all you came here for at this time of day?”

“Yeah,” Mark holds up a case. “My buddy ran out last night and sent me out to get some more before his party tonight.”  

    “I should’ve guessed.” Jinyoung rolls his eyes, but JB suspiciously stares at Mark. I wring my hands nervously, flinching slightly when Jinyoung turns his attention to me again. "You have so many groceries, would you like us to help you? We don't have to be home right away."

  "Uh--" Shit. "I'm okay, really--"

   "Oh come on, we want to help! Plus we'd get to spend some extra time together."

   "Well when you put it that way..." I try not to stumble over my words and make it obvious that I'm uneasy. JB's voice finally makes an appearance since Mark showed up. "Yeah, and Mark can come, too, right?" I gulp and turn to Mark who just shrugs. "Sure, I'll come help."

   "Great. Well, JB and I are going to get a few more things and we'll meet you by the doors, okay?" Jinyoung smiles sweetly and turns away with JB in tow. Mark, however, continues to stand with me. The little rat. I watch as Jinyoung and JB disappear down an aisle and turn to Mark, my chest nearly collapsing with relief. "Oh my god."

  "You really need to learn how to play it cool," he smirks and sets the soju in my cart. I shake my head. "Says the one who ran off as soon as you saw him."

  "Did you want him to actually see me with you?" I remain silent at the question. He raises his eyebrows. "Yeah, that's what I thought." I roll my eyes and start pushing the cart up to the front of the store for checkout. I'm definitely not in the mood for sarcasm--even if he's right.

 

 No amount of time could've helped me prepare for being put into a taxi with Jinyoung after just being caught in the grocery store with Mark--okay, so I wasn't exactly caught, but I'm pretty confident JB can read minds and busted us as soon as he walked into that store. How it had been decided that he rides with Mark while I ride with Jinyoung, I have no idea. I struggle to settle myself under Jinyoung's arm, awkwardly curled up in the back seat. He kisses the side of my forehead. "Did you have fun last night?" Here goes nothing. "Y-Yes, I did." You did it. You said something. His pleasantly plump lips curve into a genuine smile. I stare at the back of the seat in front of me, nervously picking at a splotch of peeling skin on my wrist that had been covered by cast. I sit in silence until he breaks it with a deep inhale. "I know it was only last night when I asked... but you haven't thought any more about your decision, have you?" I prepare for my death. I take a moment to collect myself (Okay, really to buy time) before responding as calmly as I possibly can. Better think quickly. "Honestly, I haven't had much time to think about it." Okay, so it wasn't exactly a lie. I bite the inside of my lip. "But since we're on the subject of last night... I didn't mean to push you away, because it wasn't that I didn't want it, it was just--"

  "No, no, it's okay. It's not your fault. Actually, I'm kind of glad we stopped--I mean not stopped--I just. Don't get me wrong. But we should both be sure we want this before we just... jump into things." I'm not sure if I feel relieved or as guilty as a dog. Love triangles should be called Guilt Cubed.

   The cab comes to a stop at my apartment complex. "I'll pay, don't worry." I offer a grateful smile to Jinyoung while gathering my grocery bags, "Thanks." I climb out onto the sidewalk and watch as the taxi carrying JB and Mark comes to a stop behind ours. Mark climbs out, and it's quite obvious that something is wrong. His mouth is set in a straight line, and his eyes dart back and forth around the building. He scratches the back of his head and glances toward me without any form of response or acknowledgement. JB exits the cab and slams the door shut. He walks casually around the cab with a heated expression. Mark ignores JB's presence, walking straight to me and taking the bags from my hands. I whisper, "What's wrong?"

  "Don't worry about it." He turns and heads to the building with my groceries. Well, excuse me, sir. I shoot a sour glance towards the back of his head. Jinyoung steps onto the sidewalk, his eyes switching from me to JB to Mark. "What's wrong with them?" He mouths. I shake my head. "I'm not sure, it's probably nothing important." He nods and slings his arm over my shoulder.

  When we reach my apartment door, Mark and JB are waiting with their backs against the wall, staring at the floor in silence. I avoid eye contact with both of them as I unlock the door. Jinyoung immediately ventures to the kitchen to assist in putting away the groceries. JB sets groceries on the kitchen floor. "Where's the bathroom?"

  "Door on the left." I point to the hallway in the corner of the kitchen and living area. Mark lazily digs through some grocery bags while Jinyoung avidly asks where items belong. JB soon returns and joins in stocking the shelves. Minutes pass by.

   "Where did Mark go?" Jinyoung scans the apartment. "Wasn't he just here?" I look around the kitchen to see he had disappeared. JB answers without looking away from the shelf he had just filled with canned goods. "I saw him wander towards the bathroom, I think that's where he went."

  "Oh, okay. Sweetheart, where does the ramyun go?" JB clears his throat while I direct Jinyoung to the pantry. "There's a party next weekend. I think Chansung hyung is hosting it at his house. Jinyoung, did you plan on going to that?"

  "I thought about it, but you know parties aren't really my style."

  "Oh, come on. You were so excited after the last party because you met her," JB is now facing me. He snaps his fingers and points in my direction. "Wanna be Jinyoung's date?"

  "Oh, I couldn't do tha--"

  "I'm serious! Jinyoung you wouldn't want her to turn down this opportunity, right?" Jinyoung turns towards me with a slight smile. "He's not wrong..."

  "Then it's settled." JB claps his hands before either of you can respond. "You're both going." I laugh and turn back to the few last groceries that needed to be put away. Mark trudges back into the kitchen. "Oh... you're almost done. I guess you don't need me anymore?"

    "I guess not." He picks up the soju off the counter. "Well then I guess I'll just be on my way. My friend is probably wondering where I'm at." He nods to me, raising his eyebrows just enough that Jinyoung and JB don't notice. We're safe, don't worry about it. I tilt my head. If they find anything of yours in my apartment, I'll kill you. He brushes off my look. "See you guys later." He makes as straight line for the door and leaves without another word. JB and Jinyoung unpack the last of the groceries and put them away.

  "Do you need anything else why we're here?" Jinyoung folds his arms across his chest.

   "I think that's it. Thank you for coming all this way to help me, I really appreciate it."

    "We're happy to help," JB steps away from the counter, "but we should be getting back. I'm sure the boys are wondering where we are with their food." He grabs their own grocery bags and heads for the door. Jinyoung sneaks over to my side and wraps an arm around my waist. "I'll see you at the party, then?" Yeah. Great. JB dismissively waves his hand and exits, but Jinyoung lags behind to give me long, sweet kiss goodbye. "I can't wait to see you again."

   "I can't wait, either." He kisses me once more before he leaves.

  The sound of the door closing is sweet music to my ears. Now that my stomach isn't in knots, it starts to growl excessively. I heat up a few egg rolls and make myself comfortable on the couch, turning on the TV. A knock on the door interrupts my first bite, and I place my food on the coffee table to answer the door. I open it, and before I can say a word, Mark barges inside. "Just grabbing my clothes. Couldn't let them see." Right. "How nice of you to show up again."

  "What's your problem?" He shoots a slightly annoyed look at me as he walks towards my bedroom. Well, excuse me. "No, what's your problem? Why are you all of a sudden acting like this?"

  "I--I'm sorry. Hold on." He disappears for a few minutes and enters the living room again, carrying his backpack. He sits next to me and places his hand on my thigh. "I didn't mean to leave like that. I just thought it would be better if I had left early and came back later so they wouldn't suspect anything. I'm just being careful." I have nothing to say, so I just sit and stare at his hand on my leg. He raises that same hand and tilts my chin towards him, kissing me gently; all I can taste is Jinyoung's lips. No, I can't be doing this. I pull away and avert my gaze to the TV. "Did you and JB have a problem today?"

  "No," his tone is emotionless, "there wasn't a problem, I promise." I guess that's all I'll get out of him. He grabs his backpack and stands up. "Enjoy your drama. Oh, and thanks for letting me crash here. I--uh, had fun." He smirks slightly and all I can do is roll my eyes. "Get out of here." He raises his hands in defeat. "Okay, okay!" I keep my eyes glued to the TV as I listen to the sound of his footsteps, the door opening, and then the door closing. I run my index finger over my lips, tasting the mixture of Jinyoung and Mark on them.

  Coincidentally, a man's voice echoes from the TV into my ears. "I've loved you from the beginning, and I will never stop loving you. If you choose him, I'll... I don't know what I'll do. I just want to you to be happy; but know that I will never stop fighting for you, because you're the only one who makes me feel this way." Each word is a little prick in my heart. Why am I doing this? Why do I feel like the bad guy in this whole situation? My chest tightens and my eyes sting as tears slowly start to seep down my cheeks. "How could I do this to them..." My whisper echoes into the open room.

  The pictures of Jinyoung and me lay scattered across the coffee table. I pick up the one of us blowing dandelion seeds. His smile looks so genuine, and mine looks... genuine, too. I set the picture down and pick up the photo JB had taken right as Jinyoung caught me from falling into the pond. Now I'm drowning. You should've let me fall. The scent of food sends my stomach lurching. I feel like I won't make it to the bathroom in time, barely throwing the toilet lid open as I heave into the bowl whatever fluids were sitting in my stomach. My legs quiver as I try to stand and look at myself in the mirror. My makeup is already smeared from the tears streaming down my red face, and the top of my shirt is soaked. I grab a tissue and wipe off my face of makeup, throwing my hair up and stumbling back out into the living room. I collapse back onto the couch, burying my face into a pillow. My stomach wrenches, but I just curl myself into a tighter ball. The fortune teller's voice echoes once again in my brain, "There could be quite a few tears shed in your future."

  "Please don't let them be his tears..." Sobs hit me like tidal waves, one after another. I can almost hear Jinyoung whispering in my ear, "Baby, don't cry. You're too beautiful to cry." Jinyoung, don't ever cry because of me. Mark's voice follows, "You're a mess, you know that?" You turned me into this mess. My eyes are sore and my nose drips like a waterfall. My chest is still tight, and I struggle to breathe. I can barely move my entire body after spending all my energy bawling into my pillow. My body is heavy, but it aches just enough that it takes ages before I'm calm enough to eventually to drift into a fitful sleep.


	14. Healing

  The cool breeze floats around my skin as I lean on the balcony railing that overlooks the Han River. I smooth out the front of my silky white gown and straighten my diamond necklace. A string quartet sits in the corner, playing beautiful romantic music. Ladies and gentlemen dressed in fancy evening apparel are scattered throughout the rooftop restaurant, sitting at tables and enjoying dinner and conversation or slow-dancing to the music. The night sky glitters with stars and the bright full moon hangs low, nearly touching the tip of the Seoul skyline. A pair of arms wraps around my waist and I turn my head to see Mark's bright smile. "Hello, gorgeous." I kiss his awaiting lips. "I've been waiting for you. You look amazing." I scan his black tux carefully as he straightens his charcoal tie. "I'm sorry I'm late; I had to take care of a little business."

  "What business?"

  "It's nothing important. Are you ready to eat?" He leads me to an empty table where a waiter is waiting to pour us a glass of wine. As I watch the trickle of red fall into my glass, I'm startled by a scream near the entrance of the restaurant. Someone is stumbling towards our table, calling my name. I can only focus on the red liquid dripping from his shirt before I focus on his face... Jinyoung. "Oh my god." I stumble to my feet, but I can't seem to reach him fast enough. I barely reach him before he collapses into my arms, staining my beautiful white dress with crimson. He struggles to lift his head and speak to me, blood dripping from his bottom lip.

 Questions flood out of my mouth. "What happened? Who did this? Where are you hurt? Tell me, what happened?" The more I question him, the more he struggles to answer me. Tears stream down my face as I cradle him in a pool of his own blood. A gawking crowd has gathered around us, and I frantically search around for someone to help. "Somebody, please," my throat tightens and I can barely choke out the words, "Please help him." Everyone stands still--Mark hasn't even moved from his place at the table. His expressionless face just gazes at the dying man in my arms.

  Jinyoung chokes and sputters and more blood drips from his mouth. I'm clinging to him. Maybe, somehow my touch will help him survive. "Please, stay with me," I whisper through my tears. "Everything will be okay if you just stay with me." I run my bloody fingers through his matted hair. He looks up with half-alive eyes. "I Love You." The words crash into my lungs. It's so hard to breathe. Why can't I breathe? His eyes flutter and his muscles relax. "Please, god no. Jinyoung, please stay with me... Please... No..." My words become useless as he closes his eyes and his chest falls, never to rise again. The crowd around us becomes a blur as I'm lost in my screams and cries for Jinyoung to come back to me. I lean my cheek against his still-warm forehead as my tears to drip onto his lifeless face. "Please, no! I Love You!"

  I hear my name being whispered. It's Jinyoung's voice, but his eyes are still closed and his lips do not move. I hear his voice call my name again, although his lips never move. Once again, I hear his voice. Jinyoung's body fades from my vision and for a moment, I'm surrounded by darkness.

 

   I open my eyes to find myself staring into Jinyoung's concerned eyes. I scan the room without moving my head: I'm still laying on the couch in my living room. My face burns and my muscles ache. Jinyoung sits on the floor, stroking my partially-flaky arm with his fingers. "You poor thing, you look so sick." I wipe my sweaty face with my hand, and my head begins to throb. "What's going on?" My voice is worse than sandpaper. I try to swallow, but my throat's so dry that it doesn't help much. Jinyoung shoots me a sympathetic grin. "I forgot a bag of groceries over here, so I came by to get it. I knocked on the door and you didn't answer, but I heard your voice in here. It sounded like you were crying, so I let myself in to see if you were okay, and I found you like this. I think you were having a nightmare."

 The shirt he's wearing flashes with blood stains. I squeeze my eyes shut, grip my hair and grimace; Jinyoung immediately takes action. "Here, let me get you a glass of water." He rises from the floor and I can hear the faucet in the kitchen turning on and off, along with footsteps before Jinyoung appears in front of me again, holding a glass of water. He helps me sit up and I eagerly gulp the water. He sets the empty cup on the coffee table, turning back to me. I look around the dark room. "What time is it?"

  "Around nine," he answers as he presses the back of his hand against my clammy forehead. "I think you're running a fever." Sweet relief, those blissfully cool hands. I close my eyes and sink back down into my pillow. "Do you want to get into some more comfortable clothes? You must be miserable." I open my eyes again to look at my constricting skinny jeans. "If I can even get these off."

  "I'll be right back." He stands once again and wanders back to my room. He reappears several minutes later with a wad of clothes in his hand. "I started the bath, I think it'll help with you feel better." I'm too tired to truly contemplate it, and since I'm desperate for relief. I nod my head and he walks over to help me off the couch.

  I nearly collapse onto the edge of the tub. "Raise your arms up, please." I didn't realize how heavy my arms felt until that moment. He's barely able to slip my shirt over my head, then tugs at my jeans. They budge a mere centimeter. "Holy hell, how did you get these on?"

   "A lot of dancing." He chuckles at my response, "I don't think you're up for dancing to them off, huh?" I smile weakly and slide onto the floor. "Just keep pulling." Jinyoung grabs the edge of my jeans, pulling and tugging until they start to slowly slide off my legs. "Jesus. Do me a favor and never put these on again."

   "But they make my butt look good."

   "Okay, I won't argue with that."

   "Hey."

   "You said it!" He grunts with the final tug that frees my legs from their denim prison. I shakily stand up while he holds onto my hand. Without even bothering to take off the rest of my clothes, I drop myself into the tub. Jinyoung stutters, "Oh--okay." I lay against the back of the tub and rest my head on a towel that has been folded into a small pillow. The warm water soothes my burning skin.

  Jinyoung sits at the side of the tub, scooping water with one hand and letting it drip along my shoulder and neck. I close my eyes and allow the sound of water swishing around to lull me into somewhat relaxation. I can feel Jinyoung's hand sweep across my arm and along my collarbone. He begins to hum as his fingers swirl the water beside me. I slit my eyes open and watch him stare lovingly at me, with pure admiration. It hurts.

  What seems like forever passes and he finally breaks the silence, "Are you feeling a little better?" I tilt my head forward, too exhausted to fully nod. "Are you ready to get out yet? It's after 10:00, and the water is starting to get cold." He pats the water, causing tiny splashes beside me. I carefully sit up and he takes my forearm, nearly pulling me out of the tub. I stand still while he gently dries me with a towel.

  I picture Mark standing in front me, leaving kisses wherever the water droplets remain on my skin as he dried off the rest. My legs falter and Jinyoung catches me. "Woah, Woah. Here, sit down." I plop onto the toilet seat and he kneels on the floor, drying off my legs and setting the towel down beside him. "Okay, um. You're going to have to... undress now."  He picks a set of dry clothes up as I unhook my bra and let it slide down my arms, landing into a sopping heap on the floor. I push my underwear down my legs and they catch on my ankles. "Can you get them off the rest of the way?" Jinyoung flushes slightly but doesn't hesitate, pulling them off my ankles and handing me the towel to dry off the excess water droplets that had collected on my skin. I hold the towel closely to myself as he carefully lifts one of my legs to slide a pair of dry panties on. He repeats the same thing to my other leg, sliding my underwear up with a slow, careful pace. His fingers brush against my skin and my spine tingles. He halts mid thigh, "Can you get them from there?" I lift myself off the toilet seat enough to pull them on the rest of the way. He quickly grabs the pair of shorts, putting them on me in the same manner. He then slips a T-shirt over my head, helping guide my arms through the sleeves. "Hold on tight." He scoops me up in his arms and carries me across the hall.

  Setting me on the bed, he disappears for a moment and returns with a hair brush. He climbs onto the bed behind me, resting against the headboard, and pats his lap. I crawl over to him, resting my head in his lap as he runs his fingers through my damp hair. My scalp tingles with delight.

"Sing to me." Jinyoung chuckles and inhales deeply. "What shall I sing?"

  "Anything."

  "Alright..." he clears his throat, "jigeumcheoreom man-man-man-man-man man, iseojumyeon nan-nan-nan-nan-nan..." his sweet voice floats delicately into my ears. He runs his fingers through my hair, gentle scratching my scalp with his fingernails. "Baralge eopseuni neon amugeotdo bakkuji ma-ma-ma-ma-ma," goosebumps begin to form on my neck as his voice becomes richer and sweeter, then more distant as I slip further into darkness.

 


	15. So Close

  "Jagiya," I squint into the sunlight peaking through my window. "Jagiya, I made you breakfast." He's sitting at the edge of my bed with a tray of food. His smile stretches from ear-to-ear, like a child eagerly awaiting praise for doing something good. God, he is so cute. I prop up pillows in between my back and the headboard of my bed as he sets down the tray. "Are you feeling better today?" I pick a piece of bacon up off the plate. "Yes I am." I stuff the savory meat into my mouth. "This is delicious. You're a really good cook." His cheeks turn rosy pink. "My mom always had the best recipes. I would get so impatient waiting for her meals to be finished, but she would always tell me, 'Jin Young, good food is worth waiting for.' Although I didn't want to make you wait this morning, so I got up early to have this ready by the time you woke up." I should date this guy. Hell, maybe I should marry this guy. "You really didn't have to."

  "But I wanted to. Consider this a token of my affection." He takes a piece of steamed vegetables and pops it into his mouth. I smile without another word and continue to eat. Jinyoung raises his eyebrows. "I guess you must really be feeling well, if you're eating all of this!" I swallow the food in my mouth. "Well, you get quite an appetite after 24 hours of not eating." A concerned look floods his face. "Baby, why haven't you eaten in so long?" I shrug, "By the time I got around to it, I was already sick."

  "But you're feeling better now, right?"

  "Yes, of course."

  "Good. Let me take these dishes to the kitchen. I'll be right back." He gathers the empty dishes on the tray. I settle back down on my pillow. How could someone as angelic as him fall in love with someone like me? He returns a few moments later and jumps onto the bed beside me. "Did you miss me?"

   "Always." Even when I'm with Mark sometimes.

  "Good." He crawls closer to me on his elbows and stretches his neck to kiss me. I breathe deeply. "Thank you for taking care of me. It must've been... difficult." Jinyoung exhales a short laugh, "Your health is important to me. Plus, I don't think you would've appreciated me trying to get in the tub with you." An embarrassed laugh escapes his rosy lips.

  "Well... I'm feeling much better now..." I timidly bite my bottom lip (all for show, of course). He smiles and raises the eyebrows. "Are you?" It only takes a split second for me to reach his lips. A sudden longing rises in the pit of my stomach. I slide my hand up his chest and neck, entangling my fingers in his hair as our kiss deepens. I graze my tongue along his bottom lip and he responds by pushing my tongue back into my mouth with his. He swings a leg over me, straddling me so he can use his hands to grab at my shirt. I pull him by his forearms closer to me, smacking my lips against his. His mouth wanders from mine to my neck, and I practically feel my tender skin bruising underneath the suction of his lips. I slide my hands up underneath his T-shirt, digging my nails into his tight abdomen as he marks up my skin (that had just healed from Mark's bruising earlier).

  His warmth disappears as he leans back on his knees, pulling his T-shirt over his head and revealing his beautiful porcelain skin dotted with tiny, red half-moons left behind by my nails. My heart thrashes against its cage and Jinyoung smiles seductively with partially-swollen lips, leaning back over me and kissing my sore lips once again. His finger trails along the vein in my neck and my stomach flutters as it continues down to my breast. He cups my breast in his hand and palms it gently. I arch my back and softly moan into his mouth. His hand leaves my breast only to gain entrance underneath my shirt. His hand is warm against my sensitive skin. I pull away from his lips long enough to slide my shirt off and toss it on the floor, quickly grabbing his face and pressing my lips to his again. My tongue explores his sweet mouth and my hands explore his upper torso.

  He presses into me, and I can clearly feel something hard digging into my pelvis. I bravely reach down and grab at the tent in his pants. He lurches forward with moan, breathing heavily into my bare shoulder. Before I can react any further, my phone rings loudly on the bedside table. "Shit-" Jinyoung reluctantly climbs off of me and I reach over to pick it up. "Hello?"

  "Where are you?" My stomach drops as I recognize the voice of my boss on the other line. "Oh my--I'm so sorry, I was sick and--"

   "That's no excuse. Get here as soon as you can, you have a lot of paperwork to do today." Paperwork. Right. More like filing music into cabinets. If only I wasn't a back-up pianist who needed other jobs to do around the company in order to get paid. "Yes. I"m sorry. I'll be there as soon as I possibly can." The phone clicks on the other line and I jump out of bed to my closet, frantically searching for my nice pants and a blouse. I grab the first ones I find and throw them on. Jinyoung spectates in confusion. "What's wrong?"

  "I didn't call off work--I'm so late. I'm sorry, I have to hurry and go." I rush off to the bathroom before he can respond.

  I gasp at the red marks all over my neck and scramble to grab the concealer, dabbing it over the most noticeable areas. I brush my hair in a just a way that it covers the deeper colors that couldn't be so easily disguised. I hurry back into my room to see Jinyoung sitting on the edge of my bed, fully dressed. I grab my purse off my dresser and slip on my black heels. "I'm really sorry." I flush as Jinyoung stands up to follow me out of my room. He smiles understandingly. "It's okay, we'll just have to finish another time." His tone shifts from sweet to seductive in a matter of moments. God, why. I reach for the door handle, but Jinyoung spins me around and plants a kiss on my lips. "Have a good day at work. I'll see you soon." I smile sweetly as he opens the door for me, and I rush down the hall and out the building, leaving him standing alone in my apartment.


	16. Caught in the Crowd

  I tap my pencil impatiently on my desk and glance at the clock. "I'm never going to be late for work again," I mumble as I watch the clock's big hand reach eleven. Five more minutes, and I can finally go home after working overtime for the last week, which has possibly been the worst consequence I could've received since it took all my time away from seeing Jinyoung... or Mark, for that matter. Tonight is Chansung's party, which I've been eagerly awaiting all week. The clock's hand creeps towards the 12. Could it be any slower? Finally, after what seems like an eternity, it's 5:00. I jump from my chair, grabbing my jacket and rushing out the door to get home and begin spicing up my appearance for the party.

  A half hour later, I find myself staring at the clothes in my closet. Well, shit. of all the times I could've been indecisive, tonight be would be the night. My phone buzzes on my bedside table and Jinyoung's picture lights up on the screen.

**Jinyoung-ssi**

**[Friday, 5:31 PM]**

Are you ready? Can't wait to see you!

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 5:32 PM]**

I'm ready to see you! If only I could find something to wear...

 

I stare at my open closet until my phone buzzes in my hand.

 

**Jinyoung-ssi**

**[Friday, 5:36 PM** ]

Give me an hour. Get your other things done first.

 

I scrunch my eyebrows.

 

**Me**

**[Friday, 5:35 PM]**

What are you planning?

 

I hit "send" and my phone lights up moments later.

 

**Jinyoung-ssi**

**[Friday, 5:39 PM]**

You'll see in an hour. ;)

 

Well alright then. Better not waste time. Off to the shower.

  I hear a knock on my front door almost precisely an hour later and rush to open it. The door swings open and in walk Jinyoung and JB. Jinyoung is holding a shopping bag and grinning from ear to ear. He kisses me before he greets me, and holds up the bag. "You don't have to wonder what to wear anymore!"

   I cover my heart with my hand. "You didn't have to do this!" I take the bag from his hand and open it. "I saw this dress earlier this week, and I just thought it would look so amazing on you, so I bought it. I'm glad it came in handy so quickly!"  I hold up a peach-colored mini-dress with sequins down the front. "Jinyoung, it's beautiful... thank you." I wrap my arms around his neck and plant a kiss onto his smiling lips. JB speaks up. "What are you waiting for? Go put it on!" I let go of Jinyoung and rush to the bathroom to put it on.

  I stare at myself in the mirror. Damn, I look good. I sneak into my bedroom without letting Jinyoung and JB see me, finding a pair of black stilettos and slipping them on. "Are you ready to go?" JB calls from the living room. "Yes, I'll be right there!" I snatch my purse and catch one last glimpse in the mirror before strutting out to the living room. JB is standing behind the couch and is the first to lay eyes on me. "Omo..."

  Jinyoung is sitting on the couch, but as soon as he turns to face me, he jumps to his feet with an astonished look. "Heol--you look incredible." I spin around while the boys gawk at me, and the fortune teller's words whiz through my mind. "You're always ready to respond to a show of affection or appreciation." Alright, so she's pretty right. Jinyoung walks over and wraps his arms around my waist. "Promise me you won't let anyone else take you home tonight."

   "Promise. I'm all yours tonight," I wink. I swear I hear a scoff come from JB's direction, but Jinyoung is oblivious to the noise, so I choose to ignore it. "Let's go." Jinyoung grabs my hand and leads me to the door with JB following closely behind.

 

  Jinyoung squeezes my hand as the cab pulls through the open iron gates, into the lit up court yard. Palm trees line the brick drive, leading up to Chansung's beautiful gray mansion towering over the greenery.  A balcony rounds the front of the building, raised up by colossal stone pillars that surround the bright red double doors. People are scattered everywhere, holding drinks and swaying to the pulsing music that echoes from somewhere behind the giant building. The cab comes to a halt and the three of us exit. JB wanders off towards the back yard, and I intertwine my fingers with Jinyoung's, following him up the marble steps to the front doors. I puff my chest when I notice every man scoping me as I pass by. Keep on lookin', boys. We enter the house and are almost immediately greeted by Chansung. "Jinyoung, I'm so glad you made it!" He shakes Jinyoung's hand and turns to me with wide eyes. "Wow, you're even prettier than he described!" He lifts my free hand and kisses it. "It's a pleasure to meet you." I bow my head politely. "You as well."

  "Well, I have a lot of socializing to do. The bar is over there, enjoy yourselves!" Chansung points to an open door on our right and waves before walking away to join a group of women standing across the giant entry way. Jinyoung nudges my shoulder. "Let me buy drinks. Would you like to come with me?" I look around at tall white walls and beautifully-crafted glass chandelier that twinkles above us, "I think I'm going to look around. You don't mind finding me, do you?"

  "No, of course not. I'll meet you in a bit." He kisses my cheek before letting go of my hand and walking through the open door to the bar. I step out of the entry way into a large, open room with walls of glass.  A DJ stands on a small stage right inside the glass doors that lead to the huge in-ground pool, where people in bathing suits are tossing beach balls and glow sticks. A line of people forms up stone steps, waiting their turn to slide down the huge water slide that weaves through man-made rocks and ends beside a waterfall. My eyes wander back inside at the glistening dance floor being overlooked by the DJ, where a crowd of people are dancing. Past the dance floor, there are two steps down to the large living area with leather couches, chairs, and a huge fireplace. I notice a staircase in the corner of the living area that I assume leads to the second floor.

  My eyes scan the small groups of people scattered throughout the place and finally focus on the back of a blond man sitting on one of the couches with his arm around a woman. He looks oddly familiar, but he's so far away that I can't recognize him with his back turned to me. I watch as he leans into the woman and she laughs. Someone bumps into me from behind, sending me lurching forward and barely catching my balance before I tumble head first. "Oh, sorry!" A tall, older man dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts bows apologetically and walks towards the pool. I notice an open chair along the wall and rush over to sit down so I don't have to be run over anymore.

  My eyes focus back on the couple across the room. His arm has moved from her shoulder to her waist, I'm assuming even though I can't really see from behind the couch. Although I can tell he has moved closer to her since a few moments ago. He turns his face to look at her and my heart crashes right onto the floor. He nuzzles his face into the side of her neck, planting a kiss on her cheek and running his fingers through her long, black hair. Nausea seizes my stomach at the sight of him turning her head and kissing her mouth. Pieces of my shattered heart stick into the walls of my chest, making it hard to breathe. My eyes fill with tears, but I can't turn them away. I just keep watching in agony as they flirt back and forth for a few minutes, until he stands up and reaches his hand out to her. She willingly takes it and he leads her to the staircase in the corner of the room. I want to stand up scream at him from across the room, tell him to stop, let him know that I'm there and I see him, but my despair holds tightly onto my throat. I hopelessly watch them disappear up the stairs, and I know exactly where he's taking her.

  I can't take it anymore. I desperately rush outside to find fresh air and try to breathe. No, stop crying. Don't cry now. I blink back the stinging tears that don't seem to want to listen. I rush out the glass doors and past the pool, out into the open grass where tables and lawn games have been set up. I spot the entrance of a garden maze at the end of the lawn, and head straight for it. I have to make it. As I weave through the tables, I notice JB approaching me out of the corner of my eye. He calls my name, "What's wrong?" I continue to walk directly to the maze entrance, JB following closely and repeatedly asking me where I'm going and what's wrong. A single tear trickles down my cheek before we reach the safety of the tall bushes that make up the small maze. As soon as I'm hidden from the party, JB snatches my arm and spins me around to face him. He studies my face for a moment and his facial expression changes from concern to sympathy. "You saw Mark, didn't you?"

  The mention of his name is a big enough trigger. I fall into his shoulder and burst into tears. "If you knew all along, why didn't you tell me?" He wraps his arms around me in a comforting hug.  

He sighs, "I knew you needed to figure it out on your own... I'm sorry. I really am."

  "How long, have, you known?" I gasp in between words, barely able to control myself. His mouth forms a thin line. "I... I saw him at the grocery store with you, and I asked him about it on the way to your place, you know, he was leading you on. I told him it wasn't fair to you at all, and we argued over it. He said he would take care of you, but..." he hesitates before continuing, "I know what he does. He's been like this ever since I knew him." I try to contain my sobs, but they overrule my self control. JB pulls me in, holding onto me tightly while I cry into his chest. "How could he do that to me?" My voice cracks. "I don't know." My neck bends as he takes a deep breath and exhales, "aren't you doing the same thing to Jinyoung?"

  Everything inside me freezes. The ache in my chest amplifies as I picture Jinyoung sitting beside me in the tub, splashing around and trickling water down my skin. "JB, I don't know how to fix this..." I whisper as my tears begin to stream down my cheeks again. JB reaches up and wipes away a falling tear with his thumb. "You do know how to fix this. I didn't tell him about you and Mark. I figured that should be up to you."

  "I-I have to find Jinyoung."

  "Wait," JB wipes the rest of the tears from my face. "Okay." I take a deep, shaky breath. "Thank you." He smiles understandingly. "I'm just here to help." I gather myself together and walk out towards the party with one quest on my mind.

   I push my way through the crowd near the pool and into the house, scanning the place for Jinyoung's familiar face. I search the dance floor and the living area, where I witnessed my own heart shatter. Already too much to handle. Don't look. I make my way back to the entry way and into the bar. A mahogany counter stretches across half the room, behind it is nothing but shelves of fancy wines, beer, soju, and any kind of alcohol I could possibly imagine. I look around at the people standing around or sitting at the bar. There's no sign of Jinyoung.

  I walk back into the large room and finally hear the voice I've been wanting to hear. I turn around and Jinyoung is standing behind me, holding two drinks in his hand. "I've been looking everywhere for you! I never realized how difficult it would be to find someone in this place!" He looks around the house. He has such beautiful porcelain skin, his chocolate eyes, and god, those soft, ample lips. My broken heart fights to beat. I want to forget that Mark ever existed and focus on the one I should have been focusing on the entire time. He looks back into my eyes and a concerned look sweeps across his face. "Are you alright, sweetheart?" I wrap my arms around his neck and he tries to hold his balance so he doesn't spill the drinks. I cling tightly to him, inhaling the familiar smell of his cologne and feeling the heat of his body as he wraps his arms around me. "What is this for?" I step back and without hesitation I huff, "Let's dance." I take the drink from his hand, gulping it down in a matter of seconds while he watches with wide eyes. It burns down my throat. "Are you sure--"

  "Now." I cut him off and pull him to the dance floor. He downs his drink and sets the cup on a table, stepping onto the floor and pulling me close. I bend my body to mold with his as he presses into me. His fingers curl around my hips and I can feel every curve--and bulge-- of his body.

  Song after song passes by, I dance until my hips ache and make several trips to the bar. I can barely keep my hands off Jinyoung, pressing my lips to his every chance I get. My pulse rushes and my head buzzes as I continue to down more drinks. I throw back another burning shot and Mark's picture in my head gets blurrier. All I can see is Jinyoung, and that vision never blurs for even a second. His hands wander around my body, leaving trails of electricity as I move my hips to the rhythm of his. Droplets of sweat glisten along his forehead, and he pants heavily into my neck. How the hell can he be so goddamn sexy?

  I lean my head back on Jinyoung's shoulder and catch that blurry human being stepping off the staircase. The woman he was with is nowhere to be see (the bitch). My focus clears just enough to notice his eyes locks eyes with mine. His face is drained from whatever color was left. He stands, completely frozen, staring at me. "Are you feeling alright?" Jinyoung presses his chin to my shoulder and I turn my gaze to him. "Yes, let's get out of here." I smile seductively and openly kiss him, hoping to God that Mark's eyes are still on me. Jinyoung grins eagerly. "My place or yours?"

  "Your place. I want to wake up in your bed." He intertwines his fingers with mine, pulling me off the dance floor. I turn my head one last time to see Mark take a few steps in my direction, his mouth open as if he was trying to call after me, but I immediately turn around and rush Jinyoung out the door. "Come on, baby, I can't wait much longer."

 

  The ride back to Jinyoung's place is heated; We can barely keep our hands and lips off of each other. I wonder if the cab driver is completely disturbed or if he's used to this kind of thing. I don't think about it too hard, with Jinyoung's cotton candy lips distracting me. My heart throbs and pounds and screams. My blood boils and rushes and pulses. I barely notice the cab stopping in front of his house, but hurry and climb out to rush to the front door. Jinyoung practically throws his money at the cab driver, quickly following after me. He fumbles with keys, unlocking the door and swinging the door open. He barely shuts it before I slam him against it, crashing my lips into his. He grabs me by the thighs and lifts me up. I wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me to his bedroom.

  He tosses me onto his bed, quickly shutting the door and unbuttoning his shirt as he walks back to me, tossing it on the floor and crawling on top of me. He smirks, "This view looks familiar. You're not going to run away this time, are you?" I laugh and pull him down by the shoulders, whispering into his neck, "I'm all yours tonight."

    I grab at the bulge in his pants, causing him to groan in pleasure. He grabs onto my chest, sliding his hands around to unzip my dress. I wriggle out of it and roll on top of him, unbuttoning his pants and nearly ripping them off his body. I make eye contact with him as I gently kiss his stomach, then bite onto the edge of his boxers and drag them off with my teeth. Jinyoung sucks in his breath as I drag my tongue along his thigh, straight up his length. I circle his tip a few times, cleaning off the slit already dripping with pre-cum.

  I finally wrap my mouth around him and sweet moans drift from his mouth as he entangles his fingers in my hair, slowly thrusting against my tongue. I dig my nails into his thighs and hum, the vibrations from my mouth causing him to thrust harder. "Fuck... yes..." He tugs on my hair as I open my lips enough to let the liquid drip over his length, wrapping my hand around it and pumping with my fist. He looks at me with dazed eyes, his chest rising and falling heavily with each stroke of my hand. I grab the condom sitting on his bedside table, quickly slipping my panties off, and sliding it over his length before positioning myself over his hips. "Are you ready for this, baby?" I purr as he excitedly nods. "I've been waiting for this." I press myself onto him, stretching over his length. His entire body tenses underneath me, and I slowly raise my hips, pressing himself back into me. "Fuck." He moans, "Faster, baby." I instantly obey his command, grinding my hips onto his. The blur in my head has numbed my legs too much. He claws at my thighs, thrusting his hips upward as I falter above him, trying to keep the rhythm without my legs completely losing feelings.

  Suddenly, he rolls me onto my back, keeping himself inside me. He begins to pound mercilessly into me, digging deeper with everything thrust. "Holy shit." Heat radiates off my skin as the pressure inside me rises. He buries himself into a bundle of nerves that causes my legs to completely go numb. "Jinyoung..." I gasp and dig my nails into his skin. He hits it again and my breath catches in my throat. Another thrust and I burst with mix of pleasure and screams. Yes, this is what I want. Mark, you will never hear this again. Jinyoung continues to thrust until he releases, then slowly pulls out of me and collapses next to me. He kisses my swollen lips gently, pulling me close to his sweaty body. "I'm glad this happened with you." I smile, exhausted. "I Love You."

  "I Love You, too." My heart feels soothed by the words floating from his lips. He kisses me once more before burying his face into the crook of my neck. I study the glistening curves of his body until I fall asleep to the sound of his breathing.


	17. Maybe. Maybe Not

   I'm awoken by the sudden lack of warmth as Jinyoung slips out of bed in the morning. The sun shines brightly through the window, causing me to squint as I open my eyes. I watch his naked body move across the room as he searches for clothes. I stretch my arms and groan, alerting him that I'm awake. He turns to me and smiles brightly, “Good morning, my love. How did you sleep?”

       “Not too badly.” I slept like someone who has had there entire world sliced up and served to them on a silver platter. In other words, I slept like shit. I sit up, allowing the blanket to slide down and expose my chest. Reacting quickly to the sight of my uncovered skin, he jumps onto the bed and crawls on top of me, pressing his lips against mine. I lean back into the pillows and welcome his tongue into my mouth. Anything to distract me from the hollow feeling in my chest. His soft, gentle hands caress my skin while I tangle my fingers in his silk hair. The heat of his body raises my temperature so quickly, I'm already starting to sweat. His lips leave trails of electricity as they graze my jaw and find their place in the crook of my neck. I run my nails along his back and he repays the feeling by sucking little bruises along my shoulder and collarbone.

       I squirm underneath him as he reaches down and runs a finger through my folds. He smiles seductively, “You did most of the work last night. I think I should return the favor.” My stomach curls as he circles my clit, suddenly pressing into it and making my legs tense up at the sensation. Two of his fingers find my opening, carefully sliding around the edges. “Don’t tease me like that, baby,” I plead, “just give it to me already.” He raises an eyebrow. “I like watching you squirm, though.” I jut out my bottom lip and whimper, begging him to relieve my aching need. The need to feel something more than this empty feeling that has taken the place of my lungs. The need of a distraction from my heart crying out in agony. He chuckles and slips two fingers inside of me, and I press myself against his hand as he wriggles them in and out of me. “More,” I beg, and he responds by slipping a third finger into me, curling them inside of me and making my cringe with pleasure. I move my hips to the pulse of his hand until he suddenly removes his fingers, leaving me empty. He lathers the liquid on his hardened member, and I watch as he positions himself over me, burying his cock inside of me.

       I clench my legs around him as he thrusts into me, digging deeper and deeper with each push. I claw at his shoulder blades as I inch closer and closer to my release. He sinks his teeth into my shoulder, and my vision blurs as I reach my climax. He continues to pound into me, and I remain on my high until he reaches his, groaning loudly as he releases into me. He raises his sweaty head, kissing my tender lips gently and squeezing my hips. He carefully slides out of me, and continues to kiss me. He leans his head back and looks into my eyes. “I’m a lucky man.”

       “And I’m a lucky woman,” I reply without missing a beat. If luck means karma, then I have a shit ton. He kisses me gently once more, then slides off the bed. “I’m going to take a shower and then make you some breakfast. You can go back to bed, if you want.” I curl up into his blanket and take a deep breath, “Okay.” He grabs his clothes and shuts himself into his bathroom. I can hear the water begin running and his angelic, heart-wrenching voice floating through the cracks of the door as he sings in the shower. I just lie still, allowing his voice to carrying me away into a world of blissful torment.

       After a while, he exits the bathroom wearing jeans and a white T-shirt. His damp hair is ruffled, but it adds to his sexiness. He walks over to the bed and kisses my forehead. “I’ll let you know when breakfast is ready.”

       “Okay. I think I’m going to get in the shower. Can I borrow some of your clothes? I forgot to bring some,” I force a sheepish smile. He laughs, “Of course, help yourself.”

       “Thanks, babe.” I kiss his lips one more time before he exits the room, shutting the door behind him. My body aches and I struggle to throw the covers off of myself. My heart still feels shattered and my chest throbs in pain. I trudge into the bathroom, shutting the door and turning the water on. It’s already warm from Jinyoung’s shower, so I step right in and begin washing the remnants of sex off my body. At some points, I can't tell if I'm rinsing the soap with shower water or tears. I step out of the shower and dry myself off, wrapping a towel around my body, not daring to see how puffy my eyes are in the mirror. I open the door of the bathroom and whatever is left of my heart lodges itself into my rib cage. Mark is sitting on Jinyoung’s bed. My body shakes. “What are you doing here?” I keep my facial expression as stone cold as possible to keep from breaking down. Mark wrings his hands anxiously, “I-I…” He rises to his feet and takes a few steps towards me, looking at the ground, “I want to apologize.”

       “It’s a little late to apologize, don’t you think?”

       “Maybe, but I just kept being reminded of your face. I didn’t sleep all night—“

       “You think I was any different? At least you were having a good time with that other girl.” My voice grows shakier with each word. He raises his voice in defense, “First of all, don’t act like I’m the only one who’s made a mistake before. Second of all, this is all a misunderstanding--“

       “Misunderstanding? You were the only one I gave myself to during that entire time, Mark,” my voice cracks as the tears begin to spill down my cheeks. “I couldn’t give Jinyoung the same thing I was giving you, because I knew I would damage him just like you damaged me.” I bite my lip as he stares silently at the wall. I step towards him, swallowing my hurt and pushing forward the regret in my voice, “Clearly indulging in you was a mistake.” I step past him to Jinyoung’s drawer. “It’s one that I won’t ever make again.” I open the drawer and begin digging through Jinyoung’s clothes to find something that would fit me. All the colors blur together. I try not to lean too far and drop tears onto his clothes. I can see Mark clench his fists out of the corner of my eye. "You don't have to do this."

  “You didn't have to sleep with her.” I swallow back my emotions and not daring to look at his face. I hear his footsteps behind me, and all of a sudden his hand wraps around my wrist. He spins me around to look him in the eyes. "Listen. I didn't fucking sleep with her, okay? This whole time, I know I wasn't your first choice. Why do you think I got into your head in the first place? Why do you think I took you to my secret cave? Why do you think I showed up in the middle of the night, just to be with you?" His voice grows louder and louder. My wrist aches under the pressure of his tight fingers, but he doesn't loosen his grip. He answers his own question, "Because I wanted to be your first choice, but no matter what I did, Jinyoung always came in first." He lets go of my wrist, but he moves in closer to me, "I wanted to sleep with that girl, believe me. I was so willing to do anything to feel better about being second. Anything to stop the pain of knowing that even though I was giving you everything I had, you were still attached to Jinyoung. And it took me nearly sleeping with her to realize I was in love with you, and I just couldn't fucking do it. I could never treat you the same way you treat me. But I will never be as good as Jinyoung. And you will always choose Jinyoung. So you know, just forget it. I can't do this anymore."

  I'm interrupted by knock on the door, and look up to see JB, "Hey--oh," he stops in his tracks when he notices Mark standing in front of me, "Uh, I can come back later--"

  "No, we just finished," Mark looks at me without an expression and walks past JB, out the door. I stand like a statue, completely numb from Mark's stinging words. JB scratched the back of his head, stepping into the room, "I'm really sorry... But if it makes you feel better, I think you made the right decision." I stare at the doorway in silence. Maybe I haven't made my decision yet.


	18. Noona

 

    "Come eat!" Jinyoung's voice calls from down the stairs. I nervously make my way to the kitchen, where he stands at the counter, chopping vegetables with his back turned to me. "Go ahead, sit and eat. I'll be right there." He sniffles and I catch him quickly wiping his face with his wrist. He frantically gathers the vegetables and dumps them into a bowl, setting it on the table with slightly shaking hands. My stomach wrenches at the tension in the room. My throat tightens and all I want to do is go home. He sits down beside me, flashing an uneasy smile and begins to shovel food into his mouth. I watch him closely, as his eyes flicker around the room and he continues to scarf down his food. My eyes sink back to my plate. "Are you okay? Why aren't you eating?" Jinyoung presses his hand against my forehead as I stare blankly at the bowl of rice in front of me. His skin is ice cold, surprising me. My eyes flicker upward, "Huh? I'm not sick... I mean... Yeah, my stomach hurts... a little." 

    "Do you need any medicine? Or more rest? You can go back up to my room if you--"

    "I think I'm just going to head home, if that's alright. It's been an exhausting weekend."

    "Oh..." His eyes are frantically searching the room again, as if looking for a reason to make me stay. They finally rest on me again, watering with disappointment despite the forced smile on his face. "I'll walk you outside."

 

    The morning air is a bit chilly, but I try my best to hide my shivering from Jinyoung. He'll only try to coax me back inside. "I'll see you soon, I hope?" He stares at the taxi that has just pulled up to the curb. I force myself to smile at him, leaning in to plant a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Soon." I climb into the cab and Jinyoung closes the door for me, standing still until out of view.

 

    I collapse onto my couch; my bed is just too far for my tired and aching body to make it. My apartment is silent except for the subtle ticking of the clock hanging on my wall. I close my eyes.  _Breathe in, breathe out. Just keep breathing._ It hurts to breathe. It hurts to cry. It hurts to think. It hurts to live. _I wonder if it's too early to start drinking? Fuck it._ I force myself onto my feet and trudge to the fridge, grabbing as many bottles of soju I could hold in my arms (so around 5) and head back to the couch. I flip on the TV and pop open a bottle. The first swig burns my throat on the way down. It doesn't burn as much as I hoped it would. I take another gulp. 

    Four bottles later and my voice is hoarse, my face is wet, and Kim Tan's stupid father is ruining everyone's life--including mine apparently. "It's all your fault!" I hear myself shout drunkenly at the TV, "He can't help that he loves her! Just let them be!" I throw back the last of bottle four, "They want to be happy too! Just like me!" I hang my head in despair, my tears mixing with alcohol, "Just like me..." The last thing I remember is Kim Tan decking Young Do in the face (or was it the other way around?).

 

    "Noona! Noona please wake up. Please. Noona, wake up!" My vision blurs when I open my eyes. I try to focus through the grogginess of my still partially-drunk state. The outline of a boy with brown hair dances hazily in front of me. "Noona?" The boy whimpers. I rub my eyes and open them once more, squinting to focus. "Yugyeom-ah, what are you doing here? What time is it?" The room is dark, except for the kitchen light spilling through the doorway.

    "Noona, did you drink all this by yourself?" I turn my head to the five empty soju bottles scattered across my coffee table. "Yeah, but--wait, why are you here? How did you get in? And seriously, what time is it?" 

    "It's after midnight. I took the key from Mark's room." 

    "Shit, it's way too la--wait, Mark's room? What? You know about Mark? How?" Panic throttled my chest and my pulse quick started. Yugyeom shook his head sadly, "Noona, can I stay with you for a few days? Something's wrong with the hyungs, and they won't tell me what's going on. BamBam and Youngjae are staying somewhere else, too. Noona, I'm scared." My mind frantically tries to piece together what he's saying, "What's going on? And how do you know about Mark?" 

    "JB hyung told me where the key was, I just figured Mark took it from Jinyoung or something, and maybe that's why they're fighting so much. Why? Do you know what's wrong?" My head spins and my stomach lurches. I barely make it to the bathroom in time, hurling into the toilet. "Noona!" Yugyeom's footsteps follow behind frantically. A pair of hands holds back my hair while I curl over the toilet bowl. "You really shouldn't drink so much." His voice is sympathetic. I wipe my mouth on my sleeve and sit back on my heels. "You can stay here as long as you need to, Gyeomie." 

    "Thank you, Noona." He lets my hair fall down my back and I rise to my feet. "Let me just clean up the living room a little bit so you can have that space, okay?"  
    "You don't have to do that, I can clean it up. You're sick, you should rest." I brush him off and clean off the coffee table anyway, despite his whining for me to lay down. I then grab a few blankets from the hall closet and set them at the end of the couch. I notice his suitcase sitting on the floor. "You said Mark and Jinyoung are fighting?" I cautiously allow the words to roll off my tongue. "Yeah." He slumps onto the couch, "I don't know what exactly it's about. I was just getting ready to sleep when I heard them yelling. Then I heard Jackson hyung and JB hyung start yelling, then all of a sudden BamBam came into my room and told me that we should probably leave until things cool down." He stares solemnly at the clean coffee table. I sit next to him, waiting for him to continue. "I packed my stuff and walked out of my room, and JB hyung was standing there and told me to go get the key from Mark's desk and take it to you. So I figured I would just ask you to stay here."

    "I see..." My mind flashes back to the night I slipped my extra house key into Mark's hand, "just in case you stop by at an odd hour." I had told him. My mind spins even more. I know it's about me. Should I call either of them? Should I go over there? No, I can't leave Yugyeom by himself. Besides, maybe I should let them cool off and then try to reach out. I've caused enough damage. But wait, does this mean Jinyoung knows about Mark? 

    "It was really scary, Noona." He interrupts my thoughts and looks at me with worried eyes, "I only caught a glimpse of them in the front room before BamBam and Youngjae rushed me out the door. It looked like Mark's face was bleeding, and Jackson was standing in between them. I don't know what happened, they've never acted like this before." Tears well in his eyes and I reach my arm around his shoulder, rubbing his arm comfortingly. I feel like I'm going to be sick again. "It's okay, Gyeomie. I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is." I pray the fake sincerity in my voice is enough to convince him, even though I know better. This isn't good. "Here, it's late. Why don't you try to get some sleep, okay? I'll cook you a nice breakfast in the morning and we can have a better day tomorrow. How does that sound?"

    "I'm too worried about my hyungs," he sniffles. I smile sympathetically in his direction, "Noona promises that things will be okay. Your hyungs are both strong and smart. Everyone has their bad days, but that doesn't mean they will last forever." He nods, accepting the words that I can't even use to convince myself. "Thank you, Noona." He wraps me in a bear-hug, like a child looking for comfort. I hold onto him for a few moments before releasing him, "Get some sleep. I'll be in my room if you need anything, okay? This is your home too, now, so make yourself comfortable. Goodnight." I place a motherly kiss on his forehead and make my way to my own room. "God, I hope this doesn't last forever." I whisper to myself before crawling under the covers. I force myself to sink back into the hazy fog of drunkenness and exhaustion, until finally I can sleep again. Not before making another trip to the bathroom, of course, to throw up whatever alcohol had not soaked into my system.


	19. Silence

   The sunlight comes too quickly. My eyes burn before I even open them. I feel like I could melt into my mattress and stay there forever. Maybe I will. I roll over onto my other side and crack open an eyelid to stare at my open door. The toilet flushes and my heart jumps in a moment of panic before the door opens and Yugyeom steps into view. His tall, thin body is dressed in a white T-shirt and flannel pajama pants. His brown hair is tousled messily to one side, and his eyes are rimmed with exhaustion.

   He peeks his head through the doorway, smiling to hide the obvious signs of a sleepless night. He notices my open eyes and takes that as an invitation into my room. "Good morning, Noona! Did you get enough sleep?" He perches himself cross-legged on the bottom corner of my bed. I groan, "I need more." He raises his eyebrows in concern, "I can leave you alone if you want to sleep more! It's okay!" I smile sleepily and close my eyes again. "It's okay, I'll get up. I promised you a nice breakfast." 

   "What are we going to have?" He perks his chin up to show excitement. I push myself into sitting position. "How about pancakes?" 

   "Please!" He claps his hands and I can't help but laugh at his childishness. "Alright, alright. Let's get going." 

 

   Yugyeom's almost too eager to help me in the kitchen. "What can we put in them? These?" He holds up a bunch of bananas sitting on the counter. "Or these?" He points to a bag of pecans beside them. "Do we have blueberries? What about strawberries? Ooh! Chocolate chips? Can we, Noona?" 

   "Yes, Gyeomie. Whatever you want." I begin to mix together a simple batter to fry with all the fruits and nuts and chocolate things he can manage to find in my kitchen. It takes at least an hour before we've built a mountain of at least 20 different species of pancake creations. "Are you sure we'll be able to eat all of these?" I pant heavily, as if flipping pancakes was the equivalent to running a marathon. He tilts his head in a sassy manner, "I'm a growing boy, of course we can eat them." I shake my head, "Right, of course, my dear child." 

   By the time we sat down to eat, it was nearly lunch time. "Welp, I hope you enjoy this, Yugyeom-ah." 

   "Thank you for making it for me, Noona!" He grins and begins piling pancakes onto his plate. I help myself to a few, and can barely finish eating them. Yugyeom eats one after another, until the mountain we had spent so much time making is now a flat plain.

   "I can't believe you just ate all of those." I hand him a plate as he dunks it into the water-filled sink to wash it. He smiles as he scrubs away at the plate, "I told you I'm a growing boy."

   "I will never doubt you again." I roll my eyes playfully. "What do you want to do today?"

   "Don't you have work?"

   "Nah, I called off. 'Said it was a family emergency." 

   "You didn't have to do that. I can always just hang out around here by myself."

   "Listen," I rest my hand on his shoulder, "I would much rather spend the day with my favorite Gyeomie than go to work. Besides, my arm has been bothering me a little." I dramatically stretch it over my head. He laughs, "Okay." 

   "I have an idea, let's go to the zoo." The very mentioning of the zoo brightens his face. "Can we really? I've been wanting to go to the zoo!"

   "Sure! Get ready and we'll go as soon as we can."

   Not much time has passed before Yugyeom is standing by the door, dressed and ready to go. "Noona! The zoo will be closed by the time we get there! Hurry!" I roll my eyes while brushing on the last bit of mascara. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" I snatch my purse and hurry to the front door, where Yugyeom immediately pulls me out of the apartment.

 

   The zoo isn't too crowded, thank God. The sun was shining brightly and there was a cool breeze in the air. "Noona, I want to go see the bears first." He doesn't even wait for an answer before he walks off in the direction of the bears, leaving me scurrying behind him to keep up. We reached the grizzly bear enclosure, where a giant brown creature was pawing at a big yellow ball tied to a tree. A smaller version was bathing in the sun a few feet away. "They're so cute." He stares at them in awe. I gaze at his amazed expression. He really is like a little brother to me. "Let's go see the pandas." He grabs my wrist and tugs me in a different direction. 

   Hours pass by and we have seen almost every exhibit, every show, and every exotic animal there is to see. My stomach rumbles, which is something I didn't expect it to do after that huge brunch we had. "Let's go get something to eat on our way home. There's a restaurant down the street from here." We head out of the giant steel gates that lead back into the human world, walking down the street. 

   We sit at a table and the waitress brings trays of samgyeopsal and bulgogi. I turn over the meat on the grill while Yugyeom munches on some bean sprouts. "Are you having fun?" He smiles and nods excitedly, "This was a fun day. Thanks, Noona." 

   "It was my pleasure." We sit for a few minutes until he breaks the quiet, "Can I ask you a question?" 

   "Of course."

   "How do you know when you're in love with someone?" My throat tightens and I grunt to clear it before I speak slowly, "Well... when they're the last thing on your mind when you go to sleep, and the first thing on your mind when you wake up. When you can't imagine your life without them, and wonder how you ever lived without them in the first place. When they make you feel like you're at home, but nervous as hell at the same time. When your true self just automatically comes out around them, whether you want it to or not." Before I can say anything else, my eyes are drawn to the window. My heart skips a beat. Mark is walking casually down the sidewalk, with his hood pulled up on his lowered head. I can't see his eyes, but I'd know those lips anywhere. He looks up for a moment, looking directly into the window. At me. Purple and blue splotches surround one of his eyes. "Oh my god..." I whisper. My legs try to stand on their own, but Mark has already hidden his face and pulled his hood down lower, rushing out of sight. "What are you looking at?" Yugyeom scans the restaurant as I sit back down. "Nothing, someone just got bumped into outside. It looks like they're okay." 

   "Oh, okay." I focus my attention back on the original subject. "Why did you ask?" He shrugs nonchalantly, "I was just curious." My head is swimming with Mark's bruised face, but I push the thought away and smile. "Now what's the real reason?" He blushes and struggles to make eye contact, "I-uh... there's this girl, you see... uh...well..." He gets more and more flustered as he tries to explain. "I met her at the hospital, you know when you... yeah. She's a translator. From America. And I've gone back a few times to see her..." He doesn't realize it, but he's picked up his drink and set it back down on the table about seven times now. I try not let him see my amused face. "What's her name?" 

   "Huh" He sets his drink down for the 9th time. "Oh. Kairegan." He reaches his hand out and readjusts the navy blue bracelet on his wrist so I could see the white beads spelling out "Kairegan." 

   "She gave me this last time I visited her. I think I love her." I can barely keep the smile off my face, "My Gyeomie is growing up!" He hides his face in his face. "Stahhhp Noona!" I pretend to wipe a tear from my eye. "I can't help it. I hope she treats you well, otherwise she'll have me to deal with!" I puff my chest out in a protective stance. He laughs, embarrassed. "She's better than good. She's amazing." 

   "Well let me know how that goes, okay?"

   "Of course." We finish our meal with small talk, since my head never does clear itself from that image of Mark. I pay for the meal and we head back towards the apartment.

 

   The sun is beginning to set by the time we step out of the cab onto the sidewalk. I take a deep breathe before taking any more steps. 

   Inside the apartment, Yugyeom plops down on the couch. "Do you have any good movies?" 

   "Yeah, they're all over there on that shelf." My words guide him over to a case full of DVD's. He picks one out and plops it into the DVD player. "Come sit down." He throws himself onto the couch and pats the cushion next to him. I oblige.

   Thirty minutes creep by. Yugyeom has fallen asleep on my shoulder, and I'm getting more and more uneasy at the picture of Mark's black eye.  _ Did he and Jinyoung fight? Was it over me? Don't be stupid, of course it was over you. You fucked up. Big time. But will Mark be okay? What about Jinyoung? Does this mean maybe he's beaten up, too? What if he's more bruised? _

   My lungs grow tighter and tighter. It's getting hard to breathe. I need fresh air. I need to get out of here. I gently try to slide my shoulder out from under Yugyeom's head without waking him, but he stirs anyway. "Oh, is it over?" 

   "No, just go back to sleep. I'm going for a walk. I'll be back in a little while, okay?"

   "Mm," he doesn't even bother giving a comprehensible response before falling back over into an exhausted heap. I slip my shoes on and head quietly out the door.

 

   The ocean breeze hits my face the moment I step out of the cab. I stare down the path that leads to the beach. I can picture the lights that lined the trees on the night of the beach party. Tonight, I'm just greeted by empty branches and the only sound of waves crashing along the shore. The moon is out, but it doesn't shine as brightly as it did last time. Actually, it looks kind of dull. I use the flashlight on my phone to see where I'm stepping until I reach the sand. The reflection of the moon in the water is enough for me to see once my eyes adjust. I pull my shoes off and make my way down to the line where wet sand meets dry sand. The waves stretch to brush against the side of my feet before curling back into the sea. The water is cold against my skin, but I continue to make my way down that line, allowing the water to sweep over my toes every once in awhile. The trees that separate the beach from the rest of the world rustle in the wind. My muscles tense at the eeriness of the sound. It's amazing how differently you view the same scenes when you're with someone vs. when you're alone. 

   I focus my attention to the open sea, and how it slowly rolls under the night sky. A few clouds hover in the distance. My memory drifts back to when I walked this path with Mark. I vividly picture his hand gripping on to mine as if I might run away. Now I could probably run away and the only one who would notice would be Yugyeom. My heart sinks a little.

 

   I miss him.

 

   I miss the way he would smile at me when I walked into his view. I miss the way he looked at me like I was the only thing in his world. I miss the little things he would do for me when I least expected it, like bring me coffee or send me a flirty text message when I was having a horrible day. I miss how he would linger around when I thought for sure I was only a hit-and-run. I miss how he always proved me wrong about himself. 

   I realize I'm smiling and look down at my hands. "If you weren't so talented, I wouldn't be in this mess right now." I raise my eyes and notice the cave coming into view. My stomach drops a little as I start to approach it, memories flooding my head. The cave itself looks gloomy and empty. Like me. It grows in size with every step I take towards it, until it's finally right in front of me. I leave the ocean line to approach the mouth of the cave. It's empty. Only sand covers the cavern floor, and a few scattered footprints show any sign of life. Mark's been here. But the silence and emptiness of the cave prove that he's long gone by now.

  My heart sinks a little more. I turn my back to the inside of the cave and look out over the ocean. The view hurts. My chest tightens and my eyes sting. I just want Mark to wrap his arms around me and tell me that I'm overreacting, that everything will be okay because he'll make it okay. I want him to tell me he loves me, so I can tell him that I love him back, even if it might be a lie. I think I love Mark. If you're in love with someone, and another person comes and sweeps you off your feet, were you really in love with the first person?

  Tears trickle down my face and my chest tightens even more. It's getting harder to breathe. I choke and sputter as my tears fall more and more. My legs are losing their strength, so I sink to my knees in the sand. "You were right," I call out to the open sea, my words echoing off the cave walls behind me, "I'm a mess. A disaster. I'm stupid, and selfish and... I'm the mistake. I'm so sorry."

  Every little bit of regret, every hint of anxiety, every spoonful of envy, every little white lie that was told, every pinch of betrayal, and every amount of guilt comes pouring out in my tears. I claw at my chest, desperately wishing there could be some way to just cut it open so I could breathe. The pressure is building up inside my body, but I can only cry so many tears at a time. I throw my head back and cry to the stars, hoping they would take pity on my miserable self and send me some comfort. Anything would do.

  I don't know how much time has passed, but my tears have almost stopped. I feel heavy, like the weight of exhaustion is pushing me deeper and deeper into the sand. I have half a mind to curl up and sleep right here at the mouth of the cave. There's no way I could make it back up the beach now, unless I force myself one step at a time. I wipe my face with my hands and look back out at the calm ocean. The waves have settled down and the moon has risen high among the stars. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, taking in the sounds of the late night.

 "What are you doing here?"

 That wasn't a sound I expected.  _ You're imagining things _ . I hold still for a few moments until the voice speaks out again. "Why did you come here?" I open my eyes and see a dark figure in the corner of my vision. I turn my head to look into his hooded eyes. I rise to my feet, my legs shaking underneath me. "Mark..." I can only form his name on my lips. His stare is blank but his face is pitiful. Blue and purple splotches reach from his eyebrow down to his cheek bone. The corner of his lip is split and swollen. His skin is more pale than I've ever seen before. I don't think he's slept in days. And I don't blame him. "What... happened to you?" I whisper, half afraid of making him angry. He stays silent. It's making me sick to look at him like this. "It's late. You should go home." He stuffs his hands in his hoodie pockets and looks into the cave to avoid my gaze. I bite the inside of my lip as the tears I thought had run out begin to well in my eyes once again. My mind races through every single thing I want to say to him, searching for the one thing that will make him stay. Finally, I choke on the words that sum up everything I'm feeling at that moment.

   "I'm sorry."

   That's enough to crack the dam holding back my emotions. A single tear drips down my already salt-crusted cheek. "I'm sorry I did this to you." His eyes are focused on my feet now. I continue. "I have never regretted hurting anyone as much as I regret hurting you." My lip trembles as I try with all my energy to hold back my tears. "I wish for nothing more than to go back in time..." His eyes are slowly traveling up my body to meet my gaze. "... and be honest." He's meeting my gaze. "Honest with Jinyoung about how I feel about you." His eyes are welling with tears. He blinks a few times, and they're gone. He wipes the tip of his nose with his sleeve and looks out to the ocean. I watch his eyes dart back and forth as he presses his lips tightly together. 

   I want to hug him in that moment. I want to hold him so tightly, and never even think about letting him go. I want to kiss him. I want to tell him that I love him, and that everything will be okay. But I just stand there, not saying another word. I don't want to talk too much in case he has something to say. But he never does. He continues to stare out at the ocean. The pressure builds until I can't stand to be there anymore. I step around him. "You're right. It's late. I'll go." I walk right past him and don't look back. The pressure gets easier with each step I take. More and more tears flow from my eyes.  _ Call out my name. Tell me to wait. Follow me. Stop me. Hold me. Kiss me. Do something. Don't just watch me walk away like this. _

   I make it back to the parking lot by myself in the dark. I call a taxi and wait, drying off my tears with my sleeve. The taxi arrives and I quickly get in the back seat. "Rough night, miss?" The taxi driver gives me a sympathetic glance through the rear-view mirror. I force a smile and nod my head, "Breakups never were my forte." 

   "Ah, I understand." We don't speak again until he drops me off at my apartment. 

   Yugyeom's still asleep on the couch. The clock on the wall clicks loudly. It's almost 2:00 am. I pull my clothes off and barely get an oversized T-shirt over my head before crawling into bed and closing my eyes. I fall asleep to the most dreaded sound... Silence.


	20. Uncovered Secrets

   Who knew two weeks could actually feel like two years. Yugyeom went back home at least a week ago, but comes over every other day. He says there's an awkward feeling when everyone is home. Mark and Jinyoung don't say much to each other, but JB and Jackson try to make things less tense for everyone. Mark's always out with his friends unless they have a schedule to keep. They're going to Thailand for a fanmeet next week. I haven't heard anything from neither Mark nor Jinyoung, but I'm pretending that it's not bothering me. _It's killing me inside._

   I distract myself with other things to get me through each day. My heart skips a beat every time my phone vibrates. _Please be one of them._ Of course it never is. Eventually, enough time passes that I stop wishing. My daily life goes back almost to the way it was before, with the exception of spending time with Yugyeom to hear about his new translator girlfriend named Kairegan.

 

   It's been a few months now. Yugyeom says things are much better at the house. Jinyoung and Mark are talking to each other again, and JB and Jackson seem much more relaxed. They've been busy making a new album so there isn't much time to sit around and fight anyway. Nobody talks about me at the house. When I spend time with the younger boys, they don't talk to me about Jinyoung and Mark, either. Except for Yugyeom, but that's only because I ask. It kind of bothers me, honestly. Although I guess it's a tense subject. Why should I care, anyway? I did nothing but wreak havoc, I deserve to be forgotten. No matter how much I remember Jinyoung's beautiful brown eyes and warm touch; no matter how much I remember Mark's nerve-wracking smile and smooth voice... I'm sure they've forgotten me.

 

   My phone buzzes. Probably Yugyeom or a friend wanting to get lunch. I pick it up and my heart pounds at the sight of the name.

 

**Jinyoung-ssi**

**[Thursday, 11:43 AM]**

Can we meet for coffee this weekend? I want to talk.

 

   My hands are shaking. I can barely press the keys.

 

**Me**

**[Wednesday, 11:44 AM]**

Sure. I'm free Saturday around noon. Across from JYP?

 

   I stare intently at the screen, impatiently waiting for his response. My heart hasn't stopped pounding. _Is he going to ask me how I've been? Does he miss me? Does he want to fix things between us?_ I can't do it. Not with Mark there. I can't let him watch us together. I would end up running right back to him.

 

**Jinyoung-ssi**

**[Thursday, 11:47 AM]**

Yes. See you then.

 

   _That's it?_ That's it. I read the messages over and over again. He wants to talk. To me. Jinyoung wants to talk to me. Suddenly I can't wait for Saturday to arrive, but I'm also dreading it. My phone buzzes again and I can't look at it fast enough.

 

**Gyeomie**

**[Thursday, 11:53 AM]**

Come to the park with us!

 

   I'm not disappointed... Okay, maybe I am a little. But going to the park sounds like a good idea to pass the time and keep me somewhat distracted.

 

**Me**

**[Thursday, 11:55 AM]**

Who's us?

 

**Gyeomie**

**[Thursday, 11:55 AM]**

Me, Youngjae and Bambam!

 

**Me**

**[Thursday, 11:57]**

Okay I'm coming. :)

 

   I find the boys sitting on a bench outside the skateboarding area. A few elementary kids are playing on the ramps, so I assume the boys are waiting for them to leave before they can skate. Bambam waves as I approach them with a bright smile. "Thank god you're here."

   "What's going on?" I raise my eyebrows suspiciously. Youngjae whines, "You can't just ask her right away!"

   "Why not? She's here, isn't she?" BamBam turns back to me. "Do you see those kids over there?" He points to the three boys running up and down the ramps. I nod, "What about them?"

   "They've been there _forever._ And I want to kick them off, but Mr. Shy Guy over here," he juts a thumb at Yugyeom, "said we should just wait until they leave. We've been here for almost thirty minutes and they're still not leaving."

   "Okay, but what does that have to do with me?"

   "Well..." he looks over at Youngjae and Yugyeom, who are looking nervous, "We were were hoping you could ask them to leave." I roll my eyes heavily, "You called me to come over and tell a few eight-year-olds to leave so you could skate?"

   "Precisely."

   "I can't believe you. YAH!" I spin myself around to face the kids on the ramps. "YOU KIDS NEED TO HURRY UP AND TAKE TURNS! THESE GUYS HAVE BEEN WAITING A LONG TIME TO SKATE!" The tallest of the three jumps off a ramp and shouts back. "No! We were here first!" Another kid standing behind him sticks his tongue out at us. I gasp, "No manners! Why I oughtta--"

   "That's it. I got this. The little shits..." Bambam marches straight towards the kids who are now playing tag. "Hyung! What are you doing?! Come back!" Yugyeom frantically calls after Bambam, who is paying no mind. He reaches the middle of the skate park and steps right in front of the leading boy, who screeches to a halt and looks up at Bambam towering over him. The two younger boys stop behind him, looking nervously at Bambam. The tallest boy speaks up again, "What are you doing?" BamBam looks around frantically before leaning over the boy and whispering something inaudible. The boy looks back at his friends with a strange look and they all nod. Yugyeom, Youngjae and I then watch Bambam quickly prance over to a nearby tree and hide behind it, peeking out at the boys just to hide again. He does this for a few minutes while we all watch and snicker. The kids, looking super confused and creeped out, pick up their bags and leave the park.

   Once they're out of sight, Bambam steps out from behind the tree with a huge accomplished grin on his face. Youngjae and Yugyeom cheer loudly, then jump off the bench and run towards Bambam. I follow closely behind, laughing. "What did you say to them?"

   "I asked them if they could see me and when they said yes, I acted really surprised and that's when I hid behind the tree." He slaps his knees and laughs hysterically along with Youngjae and Yugyeom. "Pabo." I roll my eyes and chuckle at his ridiculous (genius) plan. Bambam raises his hands innocently. "They're gone, aren't they?"

   "Yeah, let's go!" Yugyeom and Youngjae pull him towards the free ramps, dragging their boards behind them. I climb up on one of the bigger ramps and perch myself at the top to watch the boys practice their kick flips and balancing on a moving board for Youngjae. "You're getting better, hyung!" Yugyeom encourages the wobbly Youngjae as he effortlessly rolls down a ramp. Youngjae laughs and smiles but the distraction pushes the board out from underneath his feet and the next thing I know, he's laying sprawled out on the ground. "Are you okay?" I shout from my perch while the other two boys rush to help the laughing one to his feet. He presses his hand against his lower back and walks towards where I'm sitting. "Okay, that's enough for me."

   "Nice of you to join me." I grin as he carefully sits next to me. "Skateboarding is overrated." He blows his bangs out of his eyes. I pat his shoulder. "You're right."

   "Besides, I'd rather sit here and talk to my favorite noona." I blush at his sweet comment. "Precious child."

   "I miss you coming over. Our house isn't the same without you." I stare at the ground. "I miss coming over, too. I'm sorry things had to happen the way they did."

   "It wasn't your fault, noona. You were good to all of us and we all begged him for you to stay, not just Mark."

   "Wait what?"

   "You didn't know? I thought Yugyeom told you." He scrunches his eyebrows as I shake my head. "Oh... Well, Jinyoung hyung told everyone that we could never talk to you again. He wanted us to delete your number, get rid of everything you gave us, and he told JB to return your apartment keys. He wanted to erase you from our lives. We begged and begged. Mark hyung argued the hardest. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He... he hit Jinyoung. And Jinyoung hit back. That's when JB hyung told us we needed to go out for a while."

   I feel like my chest is being constricted with a rope. A rope of words. _Mark fought for me?_ "Noona? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset. I just thought you knew..."

   "No, no," I offer a fake smile. "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad I can still be with you guys."

   "You have Mark hyung to thank for that. He sacrificed himself ever seeing you again just to calm Jinyoung hyung down enough to let us stay friends with you. He made Mark promise to stay away from you at all costs. After they made up for fighting, anyway."

 

   I picture Mark standing in front of Jinyoung, face black and blue. I can see the dark-haired man with a split lip glaring at him. I can almost hear Mark's broken whisper as his head hangs low, "I'm the one you have the problem with. I'm the reason your relationship is ruined. I'll leave her alone. Just let the others keep in contact with her. They need her."  I picture Jinyoung standing silently, contemplating. "You swear you'll avoid her at all costs?" I can practically feel the tears in Mark's eyes as he chokes before saying, "I swear."

 

   Suddenly, I can't breathe. "Noona, are you okay?" Youngjae leans over to inspect my face. "Uh-yeah." I breathe in deeply. "Yeah, I'm okay. So that's why Mark hasn't reached out?"

   "Don't worry, noona," Yugyeom rolls up to where we're sitting. "I tell him how you're doing all the time. He knows I stay with you and spend time with you, so he asks me to make sure you're okay. I told him to reach out to you, but he says that us keeping an eye on you is good enough for him." A single tear trickles down my cheek. I didn't intend for that to happen. "Oh. Oh god, she's crying. Youngjae, what the fuck, man?" Bambam kicks his board into his hands and runs over to us. "Noona, it's okay. The strawberry flavored Oreo's will come back!"

   "She's not crying over Oreo's, you pabo." Yugyeom pushes him by the shoulder. Bambam raises his eyebrows. "Oh. Shit. I'm the only one? Damn..." Yugyeom and Youngjae roll their eyes and turn their attention back to me. I quickly wipe away the tear off my cheek. "I'm okay, guys. Really."

   "Are you sure?" Youngjae bends his head down to meet my eyes. I force a smile and nod my head. "I'm sure." He reaches his arms out and pulls me into a tight hug. "We love you, noona."

   "Yeah, we love you!"

   "Group hug!" Yugyeom and Bambam wrap us up in their arms. A real smile creeps on my face. "I love you guys, too."


	21. Letting Go

   My stomach is twisting in knots. Time couldn't be passing any slower, but finally the time to meet Jinyoung is here. I smooth out my sundress and pull the sleeves of my sweater to down to cover my fingers. For the whole cab ride, I feel like I'm going to throw up. _ Maybe this isn't a good idea. I should just tell him I got sick and not go. He's only going to tell me not to talk to the others anymore. I just know it. I'd rather die than live without the boys. Maybe he'll ask me to die instead. He could just kill me himself. I'm sure he hates me enough. I'll probably drop dead when he looks at me, anyway. I'm on my way to my own funeral. RIP me. This is how it ends. _

   My self pep talk keeps me occupied enough to make it to the JYP building.  _ No going back now. _ I step out of the cab and stare across the street at the little coffee shop where I've met him so many times before. Now I  _ really  _ want to throw up. I cross the street and look into the huge glass window of the coffee shop. There he is.  _ Oh god, there he is. _ Suddenly it's like I'm seeing him for the first time all over again. He's hunched over a steaming mug, propping his head up with his hands clenched in a fist. His black hair is gelled back and he's dressed in a black dress coat with black skinny jeans. His eyes are lined with smoky shadow and eyeliner. He looks like he just came from a photo shoot. He looks beautiful.

  I want to hide myself. I don't want him to see me and be reminded of everything I did to hurt him. I don't want to see that pain when he looks into my eyes. I don't want him to see me hurting. He sees me through the window. The chance to run is truly gone. I blink back into reality and force myself to enter the coffee shop. 

   He doesn't stand up when I reach the table, just continues to stare at his coffee. I quietly sit down and stare at it, too. We sit across from each other without saying a word. Just staring at the same cup of coffee. Finally he moves his hands from in front of his mouth. "Have you been well?"

   "Yes. You?" My voice is quiet as if something is stuck in my throat. He wraps his hands around the mug. "Me too." I clear my throat. "That's a good." 

   "Are you going to order anything?"    

   "No, I'm fine."

   "Are you sure?"

   "Yes."

   "Okay then." He takes a sip of his coffee and looks out the window. "I won't keep you here longer than I have to, so I'll just get straight to the point." My stomach curls and I try to conceal what I'm feeling. He doesn't seem to notice, he just stares blankly out at the window. If he's hurting at all, I can't tell.  _ Curse his acting abilities. _ "I've thought about this a lot. I've thought about you a lot. And at first I was really angry." My heart aches a little more with every word that spills from his mouth, even though his tone is emotionless. "I didn't want to believe it because I loved you and I thought you loved me." I blink back the tears as he continues to speak, losing a little more control with each word. His voice is starting to shake. "And when I finally realized it was true, I hated you. I wanted to erase you from everything, even if that meant forbidding the others to talk to you." He pauses a moment to take a breath. "But the more time went on, the more I realized that I couldn't hate you." My heart skips a beat. Something--hope, maybe-- flares inside my chest for a moment. "I remembered the first time I realized that I loved you. I just wanted to you to be happy." We lock eyes, and for the first time since I sat down, I can see the heartache in his gaze. I can see the storm clouds swirling in his iris, and the brimming tears that line his lids.  _ It's killing me _ . "Even if that meant without me."

   I quickly brush away the tears that have fallen from my own eyes. "So," he pauses to swallow back his pride before speaking words that clearly will kill him to say. "If Mark makes you happy, then I want you to be with him. I never wanted to accept that you made him even happier than you made me, but I think now he's having a harder time than I am. So you should go to him." I press my hand over my mouth and exhale shakily. Jinyoung's bottom lip is quivering, but he sits up a little taller. "I'm letting you go. I'm moving on from you." My heart shatters in my chest. I'm holding my breath to keep myself from bursting into sobs. My shoulders have sunk as if I'm holding the world on my back. He watches me for a few moments before I can force myself to respond. "I don't know what to say accept I'm sorry. I regret every day not being honest. I want you to be happy, too. You deserve it." He offers a smile which I know is fake. "Go to Mark before I change my mind." I quickly stand up and bow to him before rushing out of the coffee shop, releasing my emotions only until I'm safely around the corner.

   I squat on the sidewalk and bury my face in my arm. I don't care that people are watching me as they walk by. I wail into my own arms, my whole body shaking, until I'm able to hold myself together. I need to find Mark.

 

   The beach is cold, but I don't care. I'm running as fast as I possibly can barefoot in the sand (which isn't nearly as fast as I want to be going). The cave is coming into sight. My chest feels like it's going to burst. The cave is getting bigger and bigger, and finally I've almost reached it. I don't even know if he's going to be there, but it's the best chance I have.  A wave of relief sweeps over me. There he is, standing at the mouth of the cave and staring out to sea. My lungs can barely push out enough air for me to yell his name. He looks at me. I push my tired legs as fast as they can take me until I collapse right into his arms, like the waves crashing into the sand. He catches me. "Oh my god what are you doing?" I'm grinning and panting too hard to speak. "I..." I grip tightly onto his arms as if I'm afraid he'll let go. "I... love you." 

   "What?" His expression flashes with alarm for a mere second. Half laughing, half panting, I release his arms and look out to the sea.  _ My lungs are going to hate me after today. _ I cup my mouth and scream as loud as I possibly can, for the whole world to hear it. "I love Mark Tuan!" 

   "Yah, yah, yah!" He clasps his hand over my mouth and turns me back to face him. "Tell  _ me _ . Tell me again." His eyes are swimming with surprise and excitement. I'm grinning so wide that my cheeks are starting to hurt. "I love you, Mark Tuan." Without a word, he grabs my face and pulls me into a kiss that we've never shared before. A chaste, meaningful kiss. A kiss that gives me the response I've been looking for this whole time.

 

   "I love you, too."

_ The End _


End file.
